Our Journey to Indian Surrogacy

Emily Rose - One Year Old

2011-11-11T19:08:00.002-09:00

Customize an announcement

Happy Easter!

2011-04-24T19:23:00.005-08:00

We just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Easter. It is hard to believe that a year ago today, we announced to our family that we were expecting a baby. Emily is everything we prayed for and more...

5 Months Old?

2011-03-31T19:22:00.006-08:00

Tomorrow, Emily will be 5 months old! I find it funny that I just received an email update from www.babycenter.com that talked about our 15 week old baby because they base their updates off of her due date, not her birth date. No matter how you look at it she is doing great. Nothing brings more joy than to walk in the room and have her turn and smile at me. She isn't rolling over yet but she is getting more and more talkative every day. Yesterday in the middle of her baby babble for some reason only known to her, she decided to let out a loud hooting sound. Brian and I burst out laughing which seemed to please her.

Life for Brian and I has started to settle into a new normal. We have both been back to work for a couple of months and are blessed to have two sets of grandparents willing to take turns watching Emily during the day. Brian and I are trying to keep our work schedules to normal hours so that we can spend the evenings with her and are working hard to set up a bedtime routine which consists of a bath, warm bottle and then a story which normally consists of Brian reading the wall street journal from his android. I know that the voice intonation and inflection are all that matters at this stage of development but it is a little disconcerting to hear my husband reading to our baby daughter about the slaughter going on in Libya or bank mortgage failures.

Last weekend we went on our first road trip, an 8 hour drive from Anchorage to Fairbanks. Living in Alaska, road trips are not very easy during the winter so we decided to wait until the weather warmed up a bit. It was fantastic to see our close friends in Fairbanks and spend a couple of days with them. We know so many wonderful people up there and we would probably still be living there if it weren't for the six months of sub zero temperatures and constant unending darkness. It was fun to introduce Emily to our close family friends to the north and we will most likely go back up in a month or so.

It has been strange to transition from everything in our world being connected to surrogacy in India to just being everyday parents trying to get along. Today we FINALLY finished filling out the last (??? - the presents keep coming!!) of our baby thank you cards. Now I just need to get them into the mail. I still love reading all the blogs and catching up on how everyone is doing. So many people have gone to India to welcome their babies into the world and it is wonderful to see the children thriving. I know others are still working towards their goal and trying to find their way around the surrogacy obstacle course. Even now, I don't think surrogacy in India is an easy process. For some people it takes longer than others and it really has nothing to do with fairness or somebody being more deserving than somebody else. I hope and pray that the couples we know who are still working towards their goal will find the way to reach it one way or another.

I recently received an email asking about what we plan to tell Emily about her birth situation. We are still working it out. What we tell her will be open and honest. We want Emily to take pride in her heritage and know that she truly is a miracle.

4 Months Old

2011-03-05T21:18:00.006-09:00

Emily is 4 months old! And she is doing great, despite our best efforts.

Can I say how amazing it is to be a parent? I don't even know where to begin. Now that we've been home for three months with her I can't imagine how she gets so much bigger every day. Literally from one moment to the next she's gained weight, grown and filled out a little more. Whole wardrobes are gone! We can't keep up!

Somehow our lives are not about infertility and surrogacy anymore. They are about parenthood. And we are as clueless about that as we were about infertility, India and surrogacy five years ago.

So I don't know what to say, except thank you. Thank you to all the clinic staff and doctors, to our surrogate and egg donor we never met, to the other intended parents who helped us all along the way, a myriad of others and to all our friends, family and co-workers who are now helping us with this amazing, new journey.

Thanks especially to our facilitators, Mrinhal and Mohammed Zubair. See Mohammed's website at http://www.hyderabadplanet.com/. We wish the best for you and your family, especially your new daughter!

Thanks to the intended parents who called us after our return and helped debrief us also, trying to find out what to expect on their journey. We are happy for your new arrivals and we're especially happy if Emily's story helped you in any way at all as you went to Hyderabad.

Because this is no longer "Our Journey to Indian Surrogacy", but it is Emily's baby story!!

The Best Christmas Ever .... With a Little Help From Our Friends!

2010-12-22T12:24:00.014-09:00

Hello blog friends! Well its been almost a month now since we returned home and life is good.

Emily is doing excellent. Somehow she has avoided catching the colds her parents, grandparents and family friends have had. She is gaining weight and growing FAST. On 12/12 she weighed 5 lbs, 11 ounces. On 12/19 she weighed 6 lbs, 5 ounces. (Oh how I miss the METRIC system!) This means 10.9% of her body weight was gained in only seven days!! (Now if only I could LOOSE weight just as fast...) And she is more active, more awake, her cheeks are filling out, switching successfully to US baby formula, and she looks different every day too. She is doing great!

For Amber and I things were pretty touch and go there right after we got back from India. The time difference, the jet lag, the seasonal darkness, 2.5 hour feedings, lack of sleep, the uncertain routine and some colds/coughs were wearing us down. After Amber's craft show that first weekend back, Amber completely lost her voice. Brian's work deadline came fast and kept him from helping out like he was needed to. Fortunately we had a lot of help with the housework, the nursery, and even a dinner from Amber's mom and dad, her bro and some local friends. Even better, Brian's mom, Grandma Pat, came to stay with us and be here for Emily's first Christmas. She's helped us finish the nursery setup, given us much-needed advice, helped us get a foothold and make forward progress again on the housework, took over feedings so we could catch up on sleep, and babysat Emily so we could start back to work again.

The love and support we've received from our family, friends and workplaces since returning home has been overwhelming! Emily's Nana Tommie made a wonderful Under the Sea themed crib bedding set. The college Brian works for threw us an amazing baby shower right between Emily's birth and our departure for India and since going back to work this month, everyone is asking about her, suffering through pictures and giving great baby advice. Our friends in Fairbanks threw an amazing shower at the Pump House a couple of weeks before Emily was born and every time we try to finish thank you notes, yet another present shows up in the mail! The girl is growing so fast and has so many clothes to wear, her daddy is reminded of the villain in that old Superman movie who boasts that he's so rich, he never wears the same pair of socks twice!

For thirty-somethings like us who are still harboring lingering doubts about our ability to take care of ourselves and each other, having Emily to take care of is a real wake up call! Learning to be parents is a lot different than the last five years of researching ART, navigating the medical business in India and everything that came with that.

She is a Christmas miracle! Made possible by all the love and support from you, dear reader .... and we are eternally very grateful for "a little help from our friends" who we'd be lost without. Thank you!!

North in Alaska

2010-12-04T04:37:00.008-09:00

We've been home a couple of days now. Re-entry is hard. 30 hours worth of jet lag and a 13.5 hour time difference is bad by itself. Add in only 2-3 hours of sleep between feedings plus the *always* dark Alaska winter and you forget which direction is up! Right now it is 4:45 am in Alaska, but in Hyderabad its 7:15 pm. So you tell me .... bad time to write a blog post?

So far we've done pretty well. Emily's feeding, diaper changing, and sleeping have been set up. Amber's struggling with a sore throat and me with a cough, but Emily seems pretty good except for the occasional gas fit. The luggage had a night outside below zero (F) to discourage any stowaways and we've run most of the laundry from it. Set the thermostat higher for Emily ... Wednesday at 85 F but as it was very cold out the best the house could do was 78. Today (Saturday) it is snowing and warmer so I turned it down as the boiler is meeting its goal (The gas bill is going to be epic!). A few trips to the big box stores have us stocked with more newborn-size diapers, wipes, bottles, humidifier, bottle sterilizer, and a new baby monitor. The first pediatrician appointment was moved up to this Monday. Got Emily added to the health insurance by taking the birth certificate into the HR office and still need to submit a claim for the $4K bill from Lotus Children's Hospital. Grandma Marie, Grandpa Bill and cousin Alice got to meet Emily and Grandma Pat will arrive on Pearl Harbor day from Minnesota to help out for a few weeks.

Real life is threatening to intervene. Amber has a craft show at UAA tomorrow to setup for and Brian has a work deadline to address. Already we've used 5 of the 7 paid time off weeks, so we'll have to figure out the back to work schedule and child care PDQ.

The plane trip home actually went pretty well. All the flights were on time and despite a screw-up we managed to get bulkhead seats with bassinettes/cots on both long-haul British Air flights. Emily did great and the air pressure didn't bother her too much. She developed a bad habit of peeing during diaper changes in the airplane restrooms and at one point Brian had to send a flight attendant forward to Amber for a new diaper. Fortunately that didn't happen the time we changed her on the airline seat itself!!

We're not the best packers but the luggage wasn't too overweight. The glass beads I bought for Amber in Delhi were 10 pounds by themselves! The worst problem we had was in London. I had all the hand luggage - a backpack and two shoulder bags, plus a roller bag - while Amber carried Emily. After a passport check, Amber passed the roller bag back to me before getting on the escalator. I followed, but the roller bag - which leans away from you when standing upright - was stopped between two escalator blades. So I tried to push it away with my foot, only the escalator was gaining altitude at that point and I lost my balance. The shoulder bags shifted and further destabilized me so that I crashed into the guy below me, who crashed into the guy below him! Amber watched in horror as this played out in slow motion. Fortunately there were only a few bruises.

Its hard to believe we were just in India! We were talking to another couple today who are planning to go soon to pick up their baby and all the details of our month there just came rushing back! As life moves on here in Alaska, I don't want to forget to say thank you! There are so many people to thank for making this miracle possible, both here at home and there in Hyderabad. And also the other parents we met there, whose help and support is so wonderful! But I will save more of that for another post.

PS - For those of you who want photos ... I sympathize! Been there. PLEASE be patient. Emily is as cute as ever. But her parents? Not so much right now.

Today is Four Weeks, and Eight Years

2010-11-29T12:39:00.004-09:00

Today is our 8th wedding anniversary. I can't think of a better way to celebrate than to wake up at 3 am local time, take our beautiful, four-week old baby girl to the airport, and catch a 30 hour plane ride home to Alaska!

Exit Visa - Check!

2010-11-26T08:27:00.002-09:00

We have Emily's exit visa! Another 5-6 hours of waiting today at the Hyderabad FRRO and it is officially in hand. So now we can come home! The only thing preventing it is finding seats on airplanes.

It is a big relief to have all the paperwork done. Apparently we got it finished in record time - only three days from start to finish. We were very fortunate there were no intervening holidays and weekends and that an investigation wasn't ordered.

So right now the plan is to leave on Tuesday, November 30. Emily's exit visa is good from yesterday, when it was issued, until 12/14, the day we originally planned to fly home. Apparently that's how the duration works - the exit visa says "on or before" the date you have a ticket to fly home on. We were afraid it would ONLY be good for the date we planned to fly home on; but that's not the case.

The Magic Flying Envelopes

2010-11-25T09:38:00.010-09:00

Happy Thanksgiving!! We sure are enjoying our four & three-quarter pound turkey!

Amber and Emily went to the children's hospital for her checkup today and she weighs 2.165 kg - 100 grams more than her birth weight! So she's doing well. She's the most we've had to be thankful for in a long, long time.

Brian just got back from Delhi with the second sealed magic envelope. Wow! What a process! Left at 3 am, back at midnight, six more hours of waiting. Thank goodness Amber and I are able to divide and conquer. Brian thinks that seeing his girls sleeping peacefully makes it all worthwhile, and then some.

To say that the exit visa process is inefficient and frustrating - if you're just looking at it from the perspective of our western expectations - would be true but oversimplified. I mean, even in my worst DMV/TSA experience ever I never waited as long as this day after day after day, and then at least when you took a number at the DMV you knew your number and could expect to be called sequentially! But there is something elegant and poetic about how things are accomplished here in the midst of what appears to us to be chaos.

But I digress. If you ever have to do this magic envelope dance, here's some advice. Be patient. Its going to take a while. Be persistent. Don't let yourself be the last person there who never got called. Stay calm and above all, bring a good book!!

So its one more step accomplished in the process and tomorrow morning back at the Hyderabad FRRO we'll find out what is in the envelope! Either its the detailed investigation and another trip to Delhi (another week? 2?) or its the inquiry and the exit visa (2-3 days, give or take) ..... hopefully the later!

Off to Delhi!

2010-11-24T06:49:00.002-09:00

Brian is off to New Delhi tomorrow! Special thanks to Mrinhal Kapoor of the Kiran Clinic who spent the day with us at the FRRO in Hyderabad to collect the sealed envelope that Brian is taking to the capital tomorrow. Then hopefully he will collect another sealed envelope to bring back to Hyderabad. Then perhaps that will be enough to get an exit visa; or there may be more sealed envelopes and another airplane trip; its hard to say!

Amber is staying to take care of Emily so Brian can take care of the paperwork. Tomorrow Emily has a checkup at the children's hospital. Hopefully we will discover she has gained weight and is doing ok.

Passport - Now Visa

2010-11-23T09:10:00.002-09:00

We have Emily's passport! What a miracle!

Brian just got back today from the US Consulate WITH EMILY'S PASSPORT!!! It was an all-day marathon to get that passport... first DHL said the lab's hardcopy DNA results were with the delivery driver, but not yet delivered; so we went to the consulate anyway. Then Emily had to be fed - half hour delay. Then we got there but they told us the results hadn't arrived. We convinced them to do the visual check on Emily so she and Amber could go back to the hotel. Then it DID come, but by then I was in line behind people with visa problems, then the cashier was reconciling the till for an hour so I couldn't pay the passport fee, then finally all was ready and it was another hour to get the papers done. Five hours of waiting! But we have it.

Now the real fun can begin! Emily's exit visa. Not sure how that is going to transpire yet. We're going to the visa office tomorrow. Now that we've completely paid the tens of thousands of dollars in full, we're counting on all the help we can get from Kiran Clinic and Planet Hospital as agreed. It seems likely that Brian will have to make at least one trip to Delhi. Stay tuned!

Thanks Lotus, and Chromosomal Laboratories Rocks!

2010-11-19T19:52:00.003-09:00

Today, after three nights with mom and dad since leaving the NICU, Emily is being released from the hospital. We are really looking forward to taking her to our hotel room. She has gained weight for the last three days and is up to 2.00 kg (4.4 lbs). This is still less than her birth weight of 2.065 kg. The doctors say she is doing really well and she has gone from drinking 30 ml (1 oz) every two hours to about 45 ml (1 1/2 oz). She even wakes up sometimes and demands more. We couldn't be happier. We are very grateful to the doctors and sisters (nurses) and everyone else at Lotus Children's Hospital, especially the NICU staff, who have taken such good care of Emily and her parents.

Amber's favorite time is when Emily finishes her bottle and she can just hold her against her chest. Sometimes it is hard to believe she is real. We are already madly in love with her. This morning we received the DNA report and there is 99.985% certainty that Brian is her biological father. We wouldn't have done the test if the US Consulate didn't absolutely require it and there is no way we would ever want to part with her if that wasn't the case. Once the hardcopy of that DNA test result arrives at the US Consulate in Hyderabad, we can finally be on our way to finishing the paperwork (the emergency passport, then the exit visa) and headed back home to Alaska!

We also want to add that if anyone from the US doing surrogacy needs to have a DNA test done we would highly recommend Chromosomal Laboratores in Pheonix, Arizona! And thanks to everyone who recommended them to us - now we know why firsthand. Marie, their DNA Case Manager/Immigration Specialist is fantastic with communication. If it wasn't for her help in rushing the results back to us, we would have to extend our stay in India at least an extra week. Even though the US Consulate received the completed DNA sample on Tuesday morning, they did not send it out until Wednesday evening. We suspect that while the consulate receives DHL shipments daily, they only send out DHL shipments two days a week. Either that or the shipment was delayed by the local (not national) Muslim holiday here in Hyderabad on Wednesday. Anyway, because the sample was sent out Wednesday evening in Hyderabad, it didn't reach Chromosomal Laboratories until Friday morning. We had paid extra for next business day rush of the DNA processing but technically the next business day would have been Monday. Since the US Consulate in Hyderabad requires a hard copy of the results before proceeding, the earliest we could have gotten our Emergency passport is Friday, November 26th, after Thanksgiving if we had to wait to have the results sent out on Monday (shipping transit time US-India is 4 days).

So, Marie and her supervisor made an exception for us and rushed the processing through on Friday, November 19th. We can't say how much we appreciate thier kindness in doing this - she saved us 4 days, probably more! This surrogacy process has so much paperwork and different agencies that we have to deal with that timing often becomes very close and the difference between sending out the hardcopy DNA results on a Friday where they can be in transit over the weekend versus a Monday will have a huge impact on our length of stay, our bottom line, our sanity, our family leave available that can be spent at home, and the happiness of grandparents who are longing to see Emily!

Her First Night Alone with Mom and Dad

2010-11-18T03:42:00.006-09:00

Emily moved out of the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) and upstairs to our room in the hospital last night. She survived her first unsupervised night with her parents. Her parents ... uh ... well, they are still here!

Actually things are going pretty well. We have to work on keeping her warm, that's the main thing. She's covered in blankets and wearing multiple layers, hats and socks on her feet. She weighed a little less than yesterday, and is still less than her birthweight.

We're also worried about keeping clean - we need to be obsessive about washing our hands so she doesn't get an infection. Its been much more difficult upstairs here because many more people come and go - the nurses, the cleaning lady, the doctor on rounds, the sisters (nurses) taking blood, checking her feeding amounts, bringing the bath and the scales, etc - than do in the NICU and each can't resist giving her a pinch or touching her. (Can't blame them! She's so cute!) I get the feeling that they have a lot of children on this floor who are not premature babies so maybe the awareness of infection danger is not as vigilant. SO... we need to be better at insisting people WASH THEIR HANDS!!

This morning our time - evening in south Texas - I got on Skype with my sister and mom while Amber was out doing errands. We got the laptop so they could see Emily and after I had to go out in the hall to get hot water for her bottle, Emily started crying and I came back to the room to hear Anne singing "You are my sunshine"! So thanks for the assist, Aunt Anne!!

Some Firsts

2010-11-16T06:53:00.004-09:00

Today - two weeks old - was Emily's first road trip, the first time she had something other than a bottle in her mouth (a cotton q-tip for the DNA sample... she didn't like it AT ALL!) and the first time her daddy made her bottle of formula instead of the nurses making it for him (daddy's got a steep learning curve here).

AND it was the first time her mommy picked out an outfit for her! And what was her first outfit? A green winnie the pooh ensemble. Premie size. And it was big on her. Later (post-blowout) she donned a pink velcro onsie we picked up here in Hyderabad, but kept the green pooh hat. I think it is the first of many short skirts her dad will disapprove of. (But then, I picked it out... so how can I disapprove?)

Today's visit to the US Consulate went well! The ambulance ride was fine and we arrived very early. The DNA test went fine and Emily and her mommy went back to the hospital NICU with the ambulance while dad stayed for the second paperwork appointment. Everything was in order! Even the passport photos. So now the wait is on for the DNA test results hardcopy to get back to the consulate so the passport can be issued and the exit visa applied for.

Two Weeks Old!!

2010-11-15T17:19:00.012-09:00

Emily is two weeks old today! She is getting more and more active and yesterday she gained 40 grams of weight. She's still not back to her birth weight yet but Amber and I are really excited to see her getting more active and drinking more and more, like a pro!

If everything continues to go okay we may have Emily move out of the NICU soon and stay with us in our hospital room at the children's hospital.

Today is paperwork day!! Amber did the lion's share of the feedings yesterday and Brian went around on paperwork errands - picking up extra copies of the birth certificate, copying everything, getting the passport photos re-done and re-re-done, etc. And today is Emily's first road trip - to the US Consulate in a children's hospital ambulance. The consulate insists on doing the DNA test onsite, so the girl is coming with. The DNA test is the catalyst for all the paperwork - the thing that takes the most time to complete, since the samples have to be taken, shipped to Arizona, the test run, and the hardcopy results shipped back BEFORE Emily's passport application can begin. And hopefully we will get the EMERGENCY passport, the one the consulate can issue directly, instead of the permanent one. Then the FRRO exit visa. But today is the day all the paperwork gets into motion.

Riding around in auto rickshaws yesterday there was one fellow who was particularly enthusiastic to see me. Apparently he had driven Amber and a friend around earlier and perhaps had even been a bit cheeky with them? (There is a UK couple here that has me brushing up on my british-isms) I told Amber that she is my sugar-mama, and Emily's, and that's it!

Speaking of the FRRO exit visa, yesterday we said bon voyage to our friend Charlie from Detroit. He and his mom were here picking up his gorgeous son Kavin and we hope they made it out on their flights okay!!! All together it took them almost exactly one month from Kavin's birth to their departure. We are hoping it will be the same or less time for us but the important thing is we have Emily and are enjoying every second with her no matter where we are.

Today was a very good day

2010-11-14T04:56:00.008-09:00

Right now our days are centered around feeding Emily every two hours. It has been a godsend to be able to stay in the hospital room two stories above so that we can go down and do all of her feedings ourselves. Today, for the first time she has reached 1.9 kg (4.19 lbs) and this morning she drank all her milk without any problems and actually wanted more. Normally she falls asleep after just a few swallows and we have to spend a lot of time coaxing her to drink more. She was much more alert as well and looking around. The nurse also let me try kangaroo care so overall it has been an excellent day.

Adjusting to being in India with a baby can be challenging and I keep on having to remind myself that we are so entirely blessed to be in the position we are in and focus on the positives. The hospital room definitely is not designed to be comfortable by western standards. One of the other parents (not from the US) described it as being a luxury prison cell. We had to bring in our own towels and toilet paper. The bathroom has a bucket and a shower with cold water. It is almost identical to the set up I had 10 years ago while in the Peace Corps in Macedonia. I’m a little ashamed at how spoiled I’ve become since then. This morning at 5:45 am I had finally fallen asleep after Emily’s 5 am feeding when I was woken up by a lady who walked into our room and urgently said “You have to go”. I automatically assumed something was going on with Emily and jumped out of bed and rushed out of the room only to find that she was the cleaning lady and wanted to push a mop with dirty cold water around our room floor and wanted us out of the way. One of the other parents arranged for both a hotel room and a hospital room which actually is pretty ideal. They have a place to relax in between feeds at the hospital and can take turns going back to the hotel for meals, hot showers and cat naps. I would definitely recommend the hotel and hospital room route for anyone coming in the future who can afford it.

With the exception of the cleaning lady, everyone here has been wonderful. I have complete faith in the care Emily is getting from the doctors and nurses and once I adjusted my perspective on the hospital room it really isn’t that bad. It is a means to an end of seeing Emily as much as possible while keeping her in the safest environment possible which is the NICU. There is filtered hot water available outside the room and one of the other parents and I took a tuk-tuk to a local grocery store that specializes in imported goods. I was able to buy comfort food such as instant cappuccino mix, Quaker oats and tea and I’ve gotten the hang of how long something can be left in the refrigerator to make it ice cold but not frozen rock solid. Mohammed, the Planet Hospital concierge, also provided us with two cell phones and a mobile broadband device for our computer so that Brian and I can contact each other and have internet access while at the hospital even though there is no wireless.

Before going into the NICU everyone has to take their shoes off. I was so tired after the last feeding; I forgot to put my shoes back on and just started walking up the two flights to our room. The security guard actually called me back and told me to put my shoes on. It was pretty embarrassing and as I foggily headed back to our room it made me truly appreciate how much stress some of the other parents with multiples and/or more preemie babies must have gone through or be going through. Ula and Saul, I don’t know how you are doing it and my heart goes out to you!

In the Hospital

2010-11-12T02:56:00.007-09:00

Amber and I moved out of the hotel and into a hospital room yesterday so we can be closer to Emily and do some more feedings. The feedings are generally every two hours but it varies. Sometimes she is crying because she is hungry and sometimes the time to feed her comes around and she is sleeping and not interested in taking a bottle. The feeding itself can take anywhere from twenty minutes to an hour, including burping. Actually we think she is doing pretty good overall.

(But what do we know? We are so new to this!!)

We're very grateful for the nursing staff in the NICU. They are helping us getting used to the feeding routine and help us learn how to hold Emily, how to burp her and so forth. They do a great job even though we cannot understand each other because of the language barrier. Its also helpful to talk to two other couples who also have babies in the NICU. The other two couples each have twins... so I'm thankful that Amber and I at least have Emily outnumbered!!

The other day Amber and I took an auto rickshaw to the City Center Mall and we went to the grocery store. Fortunately with Emily in the NICU we didn't need babysitting; but we only had an hour b/c we wanted to get back for the next feeding and we definitely figure we'll have to divide and conquer to get errands done from here on out. (No leaving the kid in the car while you run into Target, right Tom & Amanda?)

The biggest errand is the consulate visit scheduled for Tuesday. We'll probably hire a nurse and ambulance to take Emily there from the hospital. We need to get two passport photos of Brian & Emily ASAP. Plus we need to get Emily on our health care plan and see if it will cover any of the children's hospital bills. So far we have paid one lakh of rupees (about $2,400). A Lakh is 1,00,000 rupees. And yes those commas are apparently in the right place. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lakh. By US standards, that's not a big bill to care for a premie for 10 days. But we're broke, essentially; starting to run a balance on the credit cards for this and looking at some leave without pay when we get home. So hopefully our health insurance will cover it.

Apparently all the water and soda we bought froze completely in the fridge here in the hospital room... can't figure out how to set the fridge not to freeze everything. No running hot water in the room, no towels, pillows are lumps of plastic; but this is luxury by local standards. Reminds me of my dorm room in Skarland Hall at UAF.

BTW, if you live in Fairbanks or Anchorage and are interested in giving to the "Bring Emily Home Soon" fund and would simultaneously like to get some Christmas shopping done, head on over to the craft bazaar this weekend. Grandma Marie Hopkins, and Brian's old boss, Pat Ivey (Auntie Pat), are in Fairbanks at the Holiday Marketplace at the Carlson Center staffing the Alaskan Snowflakes booth. Emily's aunt and local TV news celebrity Rebecca Palsha is heading up the booth in Anchorage at the Alaskan Christmas Bazaar at Anchorage City Church. Brian suspects - no, fervently hopes - that after this weekend the inventory of the family's small business will be very low for some time to come. So this may be your last chance to pick up an Amber original creation!

One Week Old!

2010-11-08T18:00:00.003-09:00

Emily is ONE WEEK OLD and doing well! Monday (11/8) when we went to visit her her nasal gastric feeding tube was removed and so was the IV in her hand. She is feeding orally! And today, Tuesday, the doctor says we will try a feeding or two ourselves.

The sisters at Lotus Hospital are really amazing. They take excellent care of all the babies in their care. One of the other parents with premie twins has a job associated with improving premie care. She says (and we agree!) that the care our babies receive here is fantastic. Most importantly the nurses (sisters) obviously care about the babies well being and smile and talk to them all the time. And we are still in the mode where we are afraid we can break Emily just by touching her! In a few more days we will move into a room at Lotus and stay with Emily full time.

For the past few days the routine has been to go see her for an hour or so, leave during the doctor's rounds, get a consultation with the doctor(s), then go back for another visit in the afternoon-evening. In between we do errands. Sunday we went apartment hunting. Monday we went to the US Consulate to get paperwork questions asked. On Monday we took no pictures of Emily because cameras were not allowed at the consulate. Today will be an excursion to the City Center Mall to get the passport photos printed.

It looks like our DNA kit arrived without any problems at the consulate. Dr. Samit told us and the consulate representative confirmed that they only do DNA tests on Tuesdays and Thursdays. The test must be preformed by an approved doctor physically at the consulate who only comes on those two days a week; but the consulate representative said it might be possible to ask the doctor to come on another day if one of the two days is a holiday (Thursday is Veteran's Day in the US).

We were interested in finding out if we could get special permission for Emily to have her test done under supervision at the Lotus Hospital but the consulate rules don't allow that. As a side note, we did learn that another US couple arranged to have an ambulance take their baby out of Lotus Hospital to the consulate for DNA testing and then back to Lotus hospital. We briefly considered this but decided we didn't want to take any unnecessary risks with Emily no matter how small. Especially with infection such a big risk for premature babies.

The consulate also gave us the information on their approved physician who will be administering the DNA test and we stopped by his office on the way back and prepaid him for his part. ("Stopping by" is not so easy as it sounds!!) It came to 2400 rupies (about $57 US) which we payed in cash. The consulate requires the receipt of prepayment at the time the DNA test is administered.

We asked if the consulate would be willing to accept the DNA results via fax or email and were told that they looked up the law and there is no question that we will have to wait for the accredited lab to send back a hardcopy of the results in a sealed envelope via DHL. This definitely adds a few days to the process because "overnight" mail from the US to India is not EXACTLY overnight. We heard that the consulate only picks up its DHL mail two days a week (Monday & Thursday)... but we're hoping that's not the case.

The consulate representative we spoke to today was very friendly, professional and helpful with answering all our questions. At the appointment we think we will be speaking to some other officials. The whole point of the visit was to introduce ourselves and get pointed in the right direction.

It seems that the consulate here is concerned with making sure everything is done correctly and that all the instructions and guidelines are correctly followed. We tried to show that we are willing to do everything that is necessary to comply with the rules and at the same time respectfully communicate our interest in returning home to the US as soon as possible. That's a fine line... we don't want to be the "problem" children but at the same time, we don't want to be the non-squeeky wheel that isn't getting any grease.

We asked about an emergency passport and it sounds like it may be possible to get one. The advantage of an emergency passport [for the baby] (from what we've gathered from others) is that it can be issued directly and immediately by the consulate but it is only good for one journey; whereas the official, permanent passport takes 10-15 days to issue and be received from the US and is good for five years from the date of issue. For our purposes, we want to get home as soon as possible and would rather forgo the 10-15 day wait here in India for the official, permanent passport to be issued. So we will have to expressly ask for an emergency passport at the time of the upcoming visit and hopefully it will be issued as soon as the DNA results are received by the Consulate from the Phoenix-based lab.

So far we've been focusing on the DNA test as the catalyst of getting home as soon as possible but we're also very grateful for the assistance of the Kiran Infertility Clinic and Planet Hospital in making sure all the documents and paperwork are in order. We've met several of the KIC & PH staff - - Dr. Samit, Mrinhal, Sai Raj, Rudy and Mohammed (MZ) - who have been really working hard to help us and we're grateful for all they are doing and continuing to do to help us. When we take over the day-to-day care for Emily we'll have to split up occassionally to get errands done and we'll be relying on them even more.

Well it looks like Anchorage got seven inches of snow. Can't say I'm upset that we missed that! For the last few days here there has been a lot of rain here. It is the end of the monsoon season and a nearby weakening typhoon is causing it to be very wet for the next few days. This is actually the first time we have seen it rain in India after 3 other trips here. It gets pretty wet! Kind of daunting. We were thinking, should we get a cab or grab an auto rickshaw to the children's hospital? Would we get wet, muddy and dirty in the open-air auto rickshaw? Would it be good to bring in all those germs into the NICU where all the premature babies are succeptable to infection? But closed cabs are harder to get here in Hyderabad than they are in Mumbai. You have to call at least an hour in advance. Better a day. And then you're lucky if you're still not waiting around an hour for the taxi to show up late.

So there is a little tension between our western expectations and the fact that we're in India. If it was just us, we could just relax and go with the flow (like we've done somewhat in past trips). But we've got to worry about Emily. So what to do when your experiences about getting along in India are telling you one thing and your bias, preconceptions and new (overprotective) parental instincts are telling you another?

One Hour With Emily

2010-11-06T05:25:00.002-08:00

Today we met Emily. She is four days old today. We only spent one hour with her.

Emily is very premature. 34 weeks 4 days. She was 2100 grams at birth and 1980 grams today (it is natural to loose weight right after birth). Today she was breathing unaided with over 90% oxygen saturation levels. Her first two days she had assisted breathing and oxygen.

Emily has not started feeding on her own yet. She is being fed with a gastric nasal tube about 8.5 ml/hr (a teaspoon, maybe?). The doctors say it may be another week in the NICU before she starts feeding normally and orally. And then 2-3 days after that in a regular room. Apparently oral feeding was tried earlier unsuccessfully. We need to bring in our bottles and pacifiers tomorrow.

We understand that our surrogate mother is doing well and is recuperating out of the hospital. We have not met her.

The doctors tell us that the DNA test cannot be done until after Emily is out of the NICU. The DNA test is required for the consulate paperwork and without it, the paperwork cannot proceed. The test has to be conducted at the consulate.

We met two other couples at the children's hospital today. One of the couples has twins born on the same day as Emily who share the same room with her. We also spoke to a parent who is going through the US consulate process.

Well it is Saturday night. We have to find an apartment for the next month. We have to get over jet lag from arriving at 4 am this morning after a 30 hour flight time. We have to readjust to India. We have to get the paperwork going (and it is legion). We have to go and see Emily and consult with the doctor every day for the next week, then stay with her at the hospital for a few days. So it is busy!

And today we met Emily!

On our way to see Emily Rose!

2010-11-04T10:20:00.000-08:00

We're at the airport to leave anchorage. finally! Its a blizzard here. Thank goodness for Alaska airlines. British Airlines to London and nonstop to Hyderabad. we would have left yesterday except the BA HYDERABAD flight is only 5x per week. We miss Diwali by one day. The baby's name is Emily Rose. Rose is Amber's mom's middle name and my dad's mom loves roses. ok boarding now. this is the first post by smart
phone!

Ready or Not HERE SHE IS!!

2010-11-01T22:21:00.003-08:00

We have a baby girl!

We just got the call from Dr. Samit and Rudy!

Wow.

Well it is time to get to India. Time to pack everything. Time to go!

Actually I just got back from a work conference in Minneapolis last night. Amber left this morning for a four day work week in Juneau. She was on the "milk run", which stopped in Cordova and then left Yakutat but the weather was bad and they overflew Juneau and went to Seattle. So now Amber is boarding a flight from Seattle to come and help me pack, at which point we will be going back through Seattle on our way to Hyderabad. Its Alaska - almost all flights go through Seattle. Anyway that's the news!

No name yet. Maybe when Amber gets off the plane we can figure that out!

Here's the message from Dr. Samit!

Hey brian and amber..

GREETINGS AND HEARTY CONGRATULATIONS FROM ALL OF US HERE AT THE K.I.C.

Find attached pics and a video of your little female Alaskan snowflake.

She was 2100 grams at the time of birth,as you will see in the video she is very active and trying to open her eyes.

She is presently in the n.i.c.u at the lotus children’s hospital and doing good.

Once again congratulations take a deep breath.this is as real as it gets… and get down here as soon as possible.

Regards

Dr. Samit Sekhar

Preparing for baby pick-up

2010-10-28T17:15:00.003-08:00

I find it really ironic that for the last 7 months the baby countdown gadget on our blog has moved abysmally slow. There have been days when I wondered if our time would ever arrive, now suddenly everything is in hyper speed. I have no idea how we will be able to get everything ready before our little snowflake arrives. We haven’t even picked out a name yet!

Right now we have lists of lists of things to do, stuff to buy and what to bring. Reading the generously shared experience of everyone that has gone before us has really helped a lot. Every time I start to get stressed, it gives me comfort to know that if we do half as well with our singleton as have the parents with multiples; I will consider everything right in the world.

One thing I’ve learned through our entire surrogacy in India journey is to plan for what you can but expect the unexpected and keep the big picture in mind. Right now at this time I am looking forward to experiencing India again. I love the colorful chaos, the diverse people and excellent healthy food. When Brian flew to Hyderabad by himself last January I was jealous that I couldn’t go with him. Most of all I am looking forward to spending bonding time with our baby without the outside distractions of our normal work and life.

We don’t know how long the baby pick up process will be for us but if it takes 3 weeks or 3 months it will be worth it. We do know that the US Consulate in Hyderabad does require a DNA test and we are going to have Chromosomal Laboratories in Phoenix send the DNA kit to the consulate before we arrive. We also know that the US Consulate will not accept the test results via email. They sent us a list of requirements and our view is that if there is a chance they may want Brian’s 4^th grade March 3, 1981 spelling test, we will figure out how to get it and take it with us since that is something we can more easily arrange before we go than after we arrive in India. As far as the exit Visa process goes, we will handle it as it comes and try to share our experience on the blog. For us, the important thing is that we are having a baby and everything else is just details…

Countdown to Departure!!

2010-10-22T09:12:00.001-08:00

Okay it is now official, we have plane tickets and Hyderabad here we come! Three weeks to India!

This past weekend we went to Fairbanks and had a baby shower. We have another one here in Anchorage for coworkers on November 5. We are very touched and grateful for all of the advice and support from everyone out there! THANK YOU!!

Love,
Brian and Amber

It is time to get a cell phone

2010-09-29T17:32:00.000-08:00

Last week was my birthday and for the first time in years I wasn’t devastated and didn’t go into the bathroom and have a good cry. When you are a women in your late thirties dealing with infertility there is little crueler than the biological clock. We consulted with our first infertility specialist when I was 32 years old. At that time she was certain that we would be pregnant within a year. As the years passed and Brian and I met with specialist after specialist their upbeat prognosis began to change and words like “age” and “time” and “averages” began to appear more and more in the conversation. I’ve seen the pregnancy age versus success rate charts so many times, I could draw most of them with my eyes closed. Over time you begin to play a mental game with yourself “My birthday wish is to have a baby by my next birthday”. “My New Years wish is to have a baby this year.” I don’t know how many times I calculated the last possible date we could get pregnant in March or April and still have a baby born the same year and when that time passed, another year would be added to the count.

On Saturday along the same lines of getting older I had a bit of a scare, I had just finished eating breakfast and opened the front door to let our good friend, Matt, into the house. I was in the middle of answering his question when the next thing I knew he was magically on the other side of me, leaning down and saying that he had just called 911. Apparently, I had fainted and fallen backwards, hitting the side of the entrance chair seat and then the floor. Matt said he rolled me over to check if I was breathing and then called 911. They wanted to send an ambulance but I told them I would just go down to the emergency room. So, I spent most of my Saturday in the ER getting all types of tests done and contemplating my own mortality. I must have been asked if I was pregnant by at least six different people and for the first time in a long time I didn’t have to choke back tears and turn away at that question. I hate displaying emotion which is always a huge challenge when dealing with infertility. In the end the doctor couldn't identify what caused the fainting spell and chalked it up to stress and probably being dehydrated.

The good thing that has come of this is that Brian and I have both decided that it is time for us to bite the bullet and buy cell phones. We are probably the last two people on earth who work for IT and don’t have personal cell phones. We want to be available 24/7 in case there is news from India.

Several people recently have pointed out to us how lucky we are to be at the stage of researching our baby pick up and the necessary baby details and I couldn’t agree more. We are getting more and more excited every day. Last night we received an email from Dr. Samit with our 30 week ultrasound and details about getting our passport. It had lots of good information and we will post more about it soon.

Baby Class and Shopping

2010-09-20T11:47:00.004-08:00

Amber and I attended a baby class at the local hospital this past weekend. We learned about changing diapers, dressing, car seats, sleep habits, making formula, bottles, and much more stuff that I have already forgotten. And we got our baby manual. (So glad the thing comes with a manual!!)

After the baby class we picked up Amber's mom and we went to Target to make a registry. (Brian is ashamed to admit he had a mini-breakdown at the big box store. Brian is not a good shopper.) It was decided that several crucial items required more research before scanning into the registry, including: bottles, formula, stroller, carseat(s), and slider (aka rocking chair).

Lingering questions .... do you buy "organic" baby formula? Does that matter? Or is it okay to feed your baby all the bovine growth hormone it can drink? Should you buy size 1 diapers or newborn size diapers? If 10 pounds is the cutoff, and if we're gonna pack a months supply of diapers (80/week * 4-5 weeks.... and do you really have to change a baby 10+ times a day?!?!?) in the luggage, then will the baby hit 10 pounds WHILE we're in India?

Should we have "his and hers" car seats? I mean, we have two cars and both work in different locations and we will both have to go back to work at least part time fairly soon because the amount of PAID leave is about enough for India and another couple of weeks and that's IT. So do we really want to have only one car equipped for baby? And if so then will we be willing to prepare the other car in a pinch when its twenty degrees below zero and we're in a hurry? What makes a good rocker/glider and how can you pick one online without a test drive?

Fun stuff!!

Love Hangs Out Here!

2010-09-15T09:47:00.001-08:00

Hello friends! The pregnancy is 28 weeks along.

This past week we traveled to Iowa to visit Brian's Grandmother, his mom and extended family. We are very blessed to have family there who care about us and who are helping us welcome our new bundle of joy!

While in Iowa we had great corn-on-the-cob and enjoyed some A&E milk & cottage cheese and went to the county fair. Brian's grandma told us about the old turn-of-the-twentieth-century phones her grandpa used and got to try Sype internet video chat for the first time. Its really amazing how technology - from phones to ART - has changed our lives in only one generation removed from the farm!

The crocheted sign above the picture of the family farm in Grandma's house says, "Love Hangs Out Here". On the opposite wall there's a chain of baby photos, the grandchildren and great grandchildren. Of the 9 original grandchildren still living, only the eldest (Brian) and the two youngest don't yet have children of their own. So we're very keen to add a new photo to the chain!

Welcome Facebook Friends!

2010-08-29T14:33:00.004-08:00

We are expecting a baby in December!

We hope our local friends and family will help us celebrate and prepare for the new arrival! Right now we are tentatively planning to have a baby shower in Fairbanks on Sunday, October 17 (Save the date! Amber will also be at the Holly Days Bazaar craft show at Eileson Air Force Base on October 15 & 16). We'll also have one for coworkers sometime in late October / early November, so stay tuned!

For many of you who are our facebook friends, you may not know yet about our journey through infertility. This blog is our journal of what's been happening over the past years. Its also our connection to an international support group of people, many of whom are going through similar circumstances, who have helped us alternatively grieve and hope along the way (THANK YOU!).

This pregnancy is our fifth attempt at surrogacy in India. In this cycle we used a frozen embryo with the help of an egg donor. The Surrogate Mother is now 25 weeks pregnant, so if all goes well we will return to Hyderabad, India, in November/December to pick up the baby.

We've spent many years and over $100,000 altogether so far. We did 7 iui's and 3 ivf's in the US and had four failed pregnancies before first trying surrogacy in India in January 2009. We used Amber's eggs in the first two India surrogacy attempts and donor eggs subsequently. So far we've been to India three times: both of us to Mumbai in January and April 2009, and Brian alone to Hyderabad in January 2010.

Below are seven (7) key blog posts to catch up on out of the 46:

3/26/2009: Sharing Our Story (the first blog post!!)

3/26/2009: Our First Trip to India in January 2009

4/10/2009: My Good Friday Prayer

5/20/2009: What Now?

1/4/2010: Happy New Year!

4/4/2010: Pregnant

5/5/2010: Cautiously Optimistic

And here are some photo albums from our trips:

January 2010, Brian in Hyderabad

Delhi, Jaipur and Agra; April 2009. And blog post.

Mumbai, April 2009

Mumbai, January 2009. And a trip to Pune.

So now you're caught up and ready for the next episode of LOST!

From “IF” to “WHEN”

2010-08-25T18:38:00.000-08:00

A few days ago a dear friend pointed out to me that right now is a time to celebrate and get ready for our new baby instead of living in fear of what could go wrong. She said the 9 months gestation allows parents to prepare mentally and emotionally for the new addition to their family. Ever since we learned our surrogate is pregnant Brian and I have been in emotional lockdown, holding our breath waiting to see if the other shoe is going to fall with bad news again. I realize this is not healthy am struggling to come to terms with this fear. The last thing I want is to transfer any of our past emotional baggage onto our baby.

Last night this was again brought home to us when Brian’s brother told him that his family does not think we are acting like normal expecting parents. After he got off the phone with his brother Brian and I talked about it and decided it is time for us to let our outer circle of friends and family know about the pregnancy. We decided the easiest way to do this is to have Brian paste a link to our blog from Facebook.

I tossed and turned for several hours last night thinking about this. I have mixed feelings about sharing our blog with people outside the surrogacy community. It is our story of our struggles and pain over the last few years dealing with infertility and my inclination is to keep things like this private. We have been pretty selective on sharing it up until now. I also know how incredibly lucky we are to be in the place we are right now of expecting a baby and having a healthy pregnancy. I know so many people out there who have struggled longer than we have or dealt with horrendous loss and are still on the path to creating their family. I don’t know why this struggle is so much harder for some than others. The words “Fairness” and “Deserving” don’t enter into the equation. I don’t even know what it means to act like “Normal Expecting Parents”, but I do know that we have to stop living in fear and start celebrating our new addition.

I want to thank all our fellow surrogacy friends for all the support and friendship you generously give through your comments and emails. I can’t tell you how much it means to us to share this experience with you. It was your thoughts, wisdom and experience that kept us going when we felt like giving up. This journey is not easy and I can’t believe how many wonderful people we have met from all over the world that have shared it with us and will hopefully continue to share.

How many children do you have?

2010-08-17T15:58:00.001-08:00

Yesterday was really surreal. For the first time ever I was called in for Jury Duty. One of the questions on the form the clerk required us to fill out asked: “How many children do you have?” I couldn’t help wondering how I’m supposed to answer this. If we are 23.5 weeks today does that mean I should answer 23.5/40 or .59 children?

I think we are really having a baby!

2010-08-13T16:20:00.000-08:00

On Monday, Brian and I were delighted to open our email and find a short video of our surrogate’s last ultrasound. It was wonderful to see our beautiful surrogate’s face as well as the ultrasound image of the baby on the screen. It is hard to believe we are at 23 weeks and that so far everything is going well. After 7 IUIs, 5 fresh self IVF cycles, 2 fresh donor egg cycles, 1 FET and 5 miscarriages we both have been extremely cautious and a little stressed out about this pregnancy. It is hard to assimilate how to deal with the pregnancy stage when we are so far away and aware of the potential risks.

We both have been dealing with our emotions in separate ways. Brian doesn’t want to make any plans or purchases until we reach the 3rd trimester. I know he is processing things in his own way by comments that slip out though. I have a hard time thinking about anything else. I think about our surrogate all the time. At our clinic the prospective parents don’t interact with their surrogates but Dr. Samit says she is happy and doing well. I wonder what she thinks and feels. We could never give her anything close to what she is giving us. If I could, I would switch places with her in a heartbeat.

Lately I’ve been watching TLC which has a show called “Bringing Home Baby”. It is very formula and all about the first 36 hours of bringing a baby home from the hospital. The hard part for me is to image not only how to deal with a newborn, something I don’t have much experience with, but also how to deal with a newborn in INDIA. A couple of weeks ago in a moment of insanity I went to “Once Upon a Child” a local thrift shop and bought 30 onsies for 30 cents each during a sale. I have no idea what I was thinking except that they were really inexpensive and my logic was that if we have trouble finding a way to cheaply wash clothes, I would have enough clothes to last for the trip and I could always donate the onsies later. After I made the purchase it occurred to me that even though we are going to be in India, if we have air conditioning onsies may not be warm enough so I’m back to square one.

Anyway, I am going to try to take some of your advice and write more.

21 weeks

2010-07-30T12:48:00.001-08:00

As the weeks go by and the pregnancy progresses, the reality is starting to set in for Amber and I. We're still cautious, but lately things have started to feel more urgent.

We both are preparing for parenthood like we do for every change - in fits and starts. We take turns freaking out and having anxiety attacks and comforting each other. The other day I had the realization that when I was born, my grandmother was only six years older than I am now. Even though we've been spending so many years and so much money working towards this, little things like that can set off a panic attack.

This pregnancy is strange though in a lot of ways. We have no option but to blindly trust that the SM, to whom we owe so much, is being well cared for. We know the SM is pregnant, and we are getting the ultrasound reports, but we haven't yet met her and we can't see the pregnancy progressing. This pregnancy is halfway around the world! After so many years in the making, its surprisingly easy to get caught up in day-to-day work, etc and push to the back of our mind that it actually is happening this time.

All our family and friends expect that we already know the baby's gender. We explain that its illegal in India and why but I suspect many friends believe that this combined with the fact that we still don't own a cell phone makes us very old fashioned.

Last weekend Amber and I went shopping and had an akward moment. It was a crowded clearance sale at a used baby clothes store and we were looking for sleepers. (Two weeks ago I could not have told you what a sleeper or a onesie was) A coworker on maternity leave who we had not told about the surrogacy saw us at the sale and so we were unexpectedly on the spot and had to explain. We ended up just saying that the baby is due in December but didn't say anything else. We are still working on the who, what, when, where and why...

Rudy

2010-06-30T15:13:00.003-08:00

Over the past few days we've had the pleasure to finally meet Rudy Rupak of Planet Hospital, the founder of the company that has facilitated our first, fourth and fifth (current!) surrogacy attempts. Rudy stopped over in Anchorage on his way out to Dutch Harbor for business and while he was here we took him down to Portage Glacier and Whittier for a day of sightseeing.

Rudy and his company have done a lot to help us prepare and take care of details and we've talked with his disembodied voice over the phone many times. It has been great getting to know him over the past few days and I sure hope he has had a good time visiting Alaska.

Ultrasound Pictures and Summary at 15 Weeks

2010-06-21T15:23:00.009-08:00

This morning we were delighted to open our email and find 3-D ultrasound pictures and a summary report from Kiran Clinic. It sounds like the pregnancy is progressing well and is currently 15 weeks.

It is fantastic to have the ultrasound pictures and especially a biometric summary of our developing baby! We are very grateful to the Kiran clinic for this great report, for their care of the surrogate mother and all of their work on our behalf.

We have been treating this pregnancy with guarded emotions and very cautious optimism. Given our history of infertility treatment and devastating loses, we are terrified of believing that everything is "just running smoothly". But the biometric numbers in this report - biparietal diameter (BPD), head circumference (HC), abdominal circumference (AC), femur length (FL), fetal heart rate (FHR), etc - look really good and give us a lot of hope!!

The big challenge ahead is looking forward to a new arrival!

14 Weeks

2010-06-09T09:49:00.002-08:00

Our surrogate's pregnancy is now into the second trimester, 14 weeks today. A big milestone!

About every three weeks we are getting an update from the doctor. There aren't many details coming in, usually just a few sentences that things are going well and now and then a low-rez ultrasound JPG. So there isn't much information to put on the blog right now either. The closest comparison is to holding your breath. As far as we know everything is going well. Dr. Samit sent us an ultrasound JPG at the 9 and 11 week marker. We should now officially be in the second trimester and are hoping for a new update soon. In fact we are due for one today.

We think about the baby and our surrogate every day - usually the first thing after waking up and the last thing before going to sleep. And we always pray that our surrogate is happy and safe.

We have been working on being patient and positive without knowing a lot. Having been through this four times before we are used to DOING something, evaluating our next try, looking at the details of the current or next attempt and so on. But now we mostly are just waiting. So this is new territory for us!

So when is it too soon to start daydreaming about baby names, to start thinking about colors for painting a nursery room, to go baby clothes shopping, and to plan a shower? Brian has been avoiding the "your baby should be doing this" web pages, books like "What to expect when you're expecting" and the discovery channel because that is all physically happening halfway around the world to a surrogate mother we've never met and it is really hard to visualize something you can't see! From the expecting father perspective this is hard to get adjusted to .... after 5 years or so about learning everything there is to know about assistive reproductive technology and ***NOW*** it is time to pile on the normal pregnancy stuff that guys never think about? TMI!

But he is dealing.... Brian did tell his boss about the surrogate pregnancy. She already knew we were trying ART & also surrogacy. Brian has a great boss who is very supportive. Amber hasn't told folks at her work about it yet. Both of us are thinking ahead about leave balances, post-baby work schedules and so forth.

Specifically we are thinking ahead to the likelihood that we will need to go back to India in November/December to welcome our new baby. There are visas to apply for and a whole host of details to address with that. If anyone knows intended parents who we could talk to who have already picked up (or will soon pick up) a baby using Kiran Clinic or gone through Hyderabad would you please send us an email message and let us know?

Thanks!

Cautiously Optimistic

2010-05-05T17:02:00.002-08:00

We received an email message from the doctor on May 3. A second ultrasound was done and a good heart beat was detected. So we are officially into Stage 2!

We got the first ultrasound results on April 18. It was essentially inconclusive at that point, no heartbeat was detected and we were confused about the timeframe. For a while there we thought this may be a failed attempt, b/c we thought it was too far along not to be able to detect a heartbeat. Even though this was our first Indian egg donor pregnancy and things are different because of that, since we've had multiple miscarriages in the past and usually they have come about the time when a heartbeat should be detected, we were very much on edge. We held off posting on the blog here until we were sure.

So now we're into uncharted territory! 8 weeks plus. Our thoughts and prayers are with the doctors and staff of the Kiran Clinic and especially our surrogate and her family. If all goes well we will be returning to Hyderabad in November/December!

Confusion

2010-04-19T11:08:00.002-08:00

Sometimes dealing with Indian clinics on the other side of the world can be really difficult. It is so hard to wait with baited breath each time you log into your email and pray and hope for news. When you add on the cultural differences and business of the clinics it can be an emotional landmine.

Today, Brian and I received our doctor's email with the ultrasounds. It contained an attached ultrasound image but unfortunately none of the details we were craving such as if a fetal pole was present which means we have no idea of if there is a CRL that responds to the correct gestational age. The email was short and stated:

- There is a single pregnancy.
- The small black hollow between the two arrow marks is the gestational sac.
- The pregnancy is now 5 weeks.
- We shall check in about 10 days for the appearance of a heart beat.

Brian and I both have a lot of questions about the doctor's email because according to our calculations we should be 6 weeks 3 days along (The transfer was done on March 22nd). Since we don't have the size details associated with the ultrasound scan we don't know if the doctor was telling us that the developmental size corresponds to 5 weeks or if there is a miscommunication somewhere. If the developmental size is truly 5 weeks, then it is likely this is a non-viable pregnancy.

We were expecting to hear results on 4/16 and didn't get this news until 4/19. But it may still be too early. We can't tell when the ultrasound was done, it could be 4/12 or 4/17. On the JPG where it has the date printed, we can't be sure if we're looking at a two or a seven. Obviously if this is a very early ultrasound from 4/12, the lack of a heartbeat isn't the worst thing... but we don't know!

When we read that there was no heartbeat we immediately assumed that it meant the worst. So there have been the emotional brick walls hit (not simultaneously) and now we're uncertain, because this is probably inconclusive. So stay tuned!

Waiting for the Ultrasound

2010-04-10T16:54:00.001-08:00

Thank you so much for all your kind comments and emails. We have read all of them several times and are very touched. It means a great deal to Brian and I to know that there are so many wonderful people out there routing for us.

So far everything is progressing well. The HCG count rose from 112.54 miu on April 2nd to 605.42 miu on April 6th. Dr. Samit emailed and said that they will be doing the first ultrasound around April 16th.

I am excited and very, very scared. Most statistics say that once you get a good heartbeat, the chance of miscarriage goes down to less than 10%. Still, there have been so many setbacks and obstacles in our quest to have a baby that I have a hard time not expecting the worst. For us, ultrasounds have always brought about mixed feelings and hidden devastation. In the past, each time I got pregnant all indications would be of a healthy pregnancy, the HCG numbers would always rise, I always experience early onset morning sickness and at least for the first few pregnancies, the doctors would always assure us that the likelihood of miscarriage was very, very small. We would excitedly head in for the first real picture of our developing baby and sit in the waiting room surrounded by happily pregnant women. Finally, we would be called into the ultrasound room plastered with smiling healthy babies in various Anne Geddes poses. Invariably the smiling and chatty ultrasound technician would progressively become more quiet as the examination proceeded and eventually leave the room to get our doctor so that she could inform us about another missed miscarriage and plan a D&C. It got to the point where I began to really hate those smiling baby pictures.

I constantly have to remind myself that we have a young egg donor and beautiful surrogate who does not have the same health issues that I do. The problem is that it seems like once you've been inaugurated into the hidden and painful world of multiple miscarriage, I don't think you can ever look at a pregnancy without apprehension again.

Pregnant

2010-04-04T17:54:00.000-08:00

It looks like we are pregnant!

The Kiran Clinic transfered 5 embryos on March 22. This was our fifth India surrogacy attempt, the third with donor eggs and the first with frozen embryos. Five embryos survived thawing; 2 grade A, 1 grade B, and 2 grade C. Friday night, late on April 2 (day 12 past the transfer), we got a call from Dr. Samit and Rudy with Planet Hospital. They did a blood test and the HCG result is 112, which is very promising.

We are very excited! We know that this is just the beginning of a long journey toward a baby. There have been a lot of disappointments up until now and it is incredible to think that there finally is an indication that we might actually have a real pregnancy. We are focusing on the positive and praying for the best!

Staying busy

2010-03-10T17:47:00.000-09:00

The last few weeks have been extremely busy for Brian and I which has helped a lot. Hopefully, we will be able to have a transfer with our frozen embryos the week of March 25th. Even though we ended up with an ectopic pregnancy, we are very happy with the Kiran clinic and our sadness is mingled with the knowledge that we at least had a fleeting positive result which is promising. Rudy from Planet Hospital has gone way above and beyond to help us with our questions and concerns and we greatly appreciate all his help. We know our chances with the frozen cycle are not as good especially since we only had 2 grade A and 4 grade B embryos frozen on day 2 so we are trying to plan a new fresh cycle to follow if the frozen cycle does not work.

I’ve spent the last few weeks rearranging our house and doing a thorough spring cleaning because some good friends of ours (along with their three daughters ages 10, 6, and 1 and two pets) are moving to Anchorage and staying with us for a couple of months while they find a place to live. They arrived last Thursday and the distraction has been really nice. It’s hard to wallow in self pity when you have three little girls running around and demanding your attention.

Getting ready for their arrival was a little harder emotionally than I expected because it involved packing up, moving and getting rid of a lot of stuff we no longer need. Every room had little reminders of our battle with infertility, Lovenox and progesterone shoots in the bathroom cabinet from our last pregnancy, surrogate agreements and contracts in the bedroom closet, old IVF medications in the refrigerator, over a dozen books in our office whose subjects chronicled the last few years starting with the normal pregnancy books we first bought to the ones dealing with miscarriage, natural remedies for infertility treatments, medical books on IVF, etc. The worst part was THE ROOM. In my mind I always think of it as THE ROOM though I try to not associate it as anything but our guest room to any visitors because it’s too hard to think of it as anything else. Normally I pretend like THE ROOM simply doesn’t exist. The door is always shut and I rarely go in there but in moments of weakness I’ve mentally decorated it a thousand times. Unfortunately I found that at least subconsciously we had been adding little things here and there. I had to box up some stuffed animals from Brian’s childhood that his mom recently sent us as well as baby afghan patterns and yarn that somehow I’ve managed to collect over time. With each box I had to ask myself about where should this go and if I add it to the pile for GoodWill am I giving up on the dream of ever using it? Am I giving up hope? Is it pathetic to put it into storage?

(Note from Brian: Anyway when this does work, we will be ready with baby-proofing and space for the nursery!! So I think Amber needs to start picking a color.)

Bad News

2010-02-23T15:22:00.000-09:00

This morning we got an email from our doctor stating that the HCG level did not rise enough to indicate a viable pregnancy. We knew the odds of this attempt working were about 50% and that if it didn’t work this time we will try again.

Actually we have accepted since Friday that this attempt had basically not worked. Amber and I deal with bad news differently and we have been trying to deal with it each in our own way. In her heart, Amber really wanted this to work. Brian had a conference to attend this past weekend that kept him distracted. Fortunately both of us were together to support each other when the news came. It helps that we know and have some certainty about what the next step is and we can look forward to that.

Thank you all for your kind and thoughtful comments and emails. It really helps us to feel like we are on a shared journey.

Low HCG

2010-02-22T18:27:00.001-09:00

Friday we found out that our HCG number was only 10.04 mIU/ml at 16 days past EPU. They are going to do another test tomorrow but most likely it is a non-viable, chemical pregnancy.

Two Week Wait

2010-02-09T19:26:00.000-09:00

On Friday we officially entered our two week wait. We ended up with 10 embryos, 6 grade 1 and 4 grade 2. Four were transferred into our surrogate and the rest were frozen. And now we wait...

Two or One?

2010-02-05T22:24:00.006-09:00

Over the few days since Brian returned we have been debating on how to proceed with our next try – do we use one surrogate or two? The agreement we have with the clinic allows us to try with two surrogates in order to increase our odds of getting pregnant. On the face value, this seems like an excellent thing to do. We’ve already had three negative surrogacy attempts – tens of thousands of dollars and years of our lives with nothing to show for it. We are discouraged, worn out and trying not to lose hope. Using two surrogates definitely increases the odds of a baby. However, the question that keeps us awake at night is what happens if both surrogates get pregnant? What if one or both of the surrogates are pregnant with more than one baby? How do we proceed?

We’ve been asking ourselves what is the best way to truly get an idea of the likelihood of success? What would be best for us and also for our potential surrogate? In college I studied Combinatorics and Brian and I work on databases for our day jobs where there are discrete data sets and finite answers. Bioinformatics, however, is an entirely different story. One book that has always stuck with me is The Mismeasure of Man by Stephen Jay Gould. In a nutshell, the main theme of the book is basically how a statistical formula can be 100% accurate but completely based on biased data. I find statistics fascinating but am completely aware that you can easily manipulate the figures to make things appear differently than they truly are. I’ve seen several examples of this trend over the last year when different people and clinics talk about surrogacy in India.

So we went back to all the statistics and probability calculations that have been bouncing around in our heads. Brian dusted off his college statistics textbook and below is our attempt to analyze the numbers and make some sense for us.

Because finding accurate statistics is so difficult we used the numbers available from the United States published on the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) website: http://www.cdc.gov/ART/. The CDC compiles assisted reproductive technology (ART) data from most of the fertility clinics practicing in the United States. Since IVF methodology including normal protocol, preparation and suitability of surrogates, age and fertility factors of donors, and stage and number of embryos transferred differ for each distinct attempt and practices in the US differ from what is practiced in India, all the numbers have to be treated in very general terms with a large margin of error.

The first problem was determining what all the possible outcomes were and then estimating the probability of each outcome. A lot of the CDC published information tell you about the outcomes only of the attempts that achieve a pregnancy and only the pregnancy results. Some of the CDC information tells you the outcome of live births. Well, obviously not every surrogacy attempt results in a pregnancy. Not every pregnancy results in a live birth. Some pregnancies will result in multiple developing embryos, and pregnancies of multiple developing embryos don’t necessarily result in multiple or even any live births. On top of that, what are the odds of premature births or problems like down syndrome?

So there are a lot of variables that make it hard to get reliable statistics. But the single most important variable for this attempt is that we are using donor eggs. The odds are better because of that. The outcomes and probability we calculated for one surrogate were:

No pregnancy	47.0%
Failed pregnancy	7.7%
Singleton birth	24.5%
Twins birth	16.8%
Triplets or more birth	3.9%

To calculate the probabilities if two surrogates were used, we treated this as if there were two independent events and used the multiplication rule for independent events

P(A and B) = P(A)*P(B)

No pregnancy or failed pregnancy	29.9%
Singleton birth	26.8%
Two babies born	24.4%
Three babies born	12.5%
Four or more babies born	6.2%

Obviously the odds of any baby are greatly increased by using two surrogates instead of one, 69.9% compared to 45.2%. But the odds of multiples are also higher, 43.1% compared to 20.7%. And the odds of three or more babies are higher, 18.7% compared to 3.9%.

The probability of getting pregnant with multiples is actually much harder to predict because the chances of multiples depend a lot on the skill of the clinic as well as the number and quality of the embryos transferred. Without accurate data from a specific clinic it is basically all guesswork and not very accurate at all.

Considering the choice of whether or not to use two surrogates has forced us to calculate these odds. And we asked ourselves, how comfortable we are taking the risk of having to raise three or more babies simultaneously? What if the attempt fails and we’ve spent all this money (AGAIN) and nothing to show for it? (Recently we calculated that prior to this attempt, we spent about 40% of our combined annual incomes over four years on fertility treatments with nothing to show for it!)

And there are increased phase 2 (post-pregnancy) costs for multiples if we use two surrogates. If one surrogate is pregnant with a singleton, that is $20,000. If one surrogate is pregnant with twins, that is an additional $3,000. If both surrogates are pregnant with singletons, that is $37,000 ($20,000 + $17,000). We are mentally prepared to come up with $20-23,000 (borrowing from friends and family, cashing in retirement savings, selling things, etc), but $37,000-43,000 would definitely be a stretch for us. And if we use two or more surrogates the odds of the cost being $37,000 or more are about 21%, one in five.

Since Planet Hospital and Kiran Clinic have offered a “pregnancy guarantee” – that is, they will perform subsequent attempts using frozen or live transfers until a pregnancy is achieved at no additional phase one cost – we felt comfortable using only one surrogate in this attempt. Without the guarantee, we most likely would have used two surrogates.

About Hyderabad - Golkonda Fort, Charminar, Hotel

2010-01-26T23:02:00.002-09:00

Well I am home in Alaska again! It is good to be home and reunited with Amber. I am trying to get back into the swing of things at work but the time difference and the jetlag is a killer.

I regret not spending more time in Hyderabad. I did a little sightseeing in Hyderabad, but the trip was very short. I was only there for three full days and there were doctor appointments to go to. But I did get to see the Golkonda Fort and Charminar (in the old city).

I think it is good that Amber and I had been on two previous trips to India. If this (short!) trip had been my first India experience, I would have been completely wrapped up in my initial exposure to the country. As it was, I was barely able to discern some of the differences between Hyderabad and Andra Pradesh and Mumbai and Maharashtra, of which there are many, like the local languages, food, and so on.

The area around the Charminar was pretty cool. I bought some cute baby outfits for our niece Alice and tried some of the fruits and vegetables for sale there, like sugarcane juice, Paan, etc. Plus I tried to bargain for some beads for Amber. Amber likes to do beading crafts and I thought I would see if I could buy some supplies for that. More or less I was unsuccessful because 1) I don't do the bead buying normally and don't know the first thing; 2) it’s a different culture and I am obviously a good candidate to be taken advantage of and 3) I had no idea where wholesale beads are bought and sold! But it was fun to try! I ended up buying two (leftover) emeralds and a ruby (beads) for 900 INR. And a string of American Diamond glass beads for 1,000 INR. Around $40 altogether.

I went to Golkonda Fort on Wednesday. I saw a family picnicking after sitting down with a Popsicle just after arriving and rebuffing the guides. The guides were more than usually persistent. 700 INR was the initial offer and the price dropped precipitously as I walked away, but the decision was made! And others did keep trying. As you walk into the Golkanda Fort you go under the first of many dome structures that have very unique and amazing acoustics. Reminded me of the great acoustics at the Karla Caves between Mumbai and Pune. Well this was really just as neat but in its own different way. Basically when you stand centered under one of these domes and you clap your hands, you hear a million tiny, diminishing echoes. And they say that acoustics were set up in a way that someone at the very bottom gate in the wall that stretches into a 15 (?) km circumference could be heard by the king in his palace at the top of the hill. It was magical sitting at the top of the hill and hearing the calls to prayer echo up from the valley below as the sun's shadows got longer in the late afternoon. At the very end of the walk through Golkanda Fort I was being followed by three teenage guys. When we got under one of these domes we started clapping and eventually we started doing cadences and rhythms. Kinda neat! I posed for lots of photos and was called "uncle".

About the Golkanda Hotel. Some things reminded me a lot of Best Western the Emerald in Mumbai. It was roughly the same class of hotel, definitely a business clientele and a good number of foreigners. Unlike many of the hotels it is not on the Hussain Sagar, it is a ways off from that. (I never did get to see that lake, the one with the big Buddha statue, except for glimpsing it from the IndiGo airplane after takeoff). The hotel has three sides and a big atrium that goes up to the roof in the center. At the bottom of this atrium is the hotel lounge, the Mélange restaurant where they have the breakfast buffet. I enjoyed the hotel breakfast and lunch buffets very much. Lots of good options. There is another restaurant, Jewel of the Nizams, that I never got a chance to try even though I had coupons from PH. The breakfast buffet had a little bit better selection than the Emerald. The rooms at the Golkanda are very nice and spacious. I was very happy for them except for the internet quirks. Wow the technical difficulties with Skype and the internet were frustrating and took forever. Although it did function, the connection dropped frequently and was cumbersome. I really do think the skype/internet problems were with the Golkonda Hotel. I put that down on the feedback form. At one point two of their IT staff came to my room and did get it working. Otherwise the hotel was great. I liked that they always gave you a complimentary bottle of water every day. Overall the deal Planet Hospital arranged was for 4,000 INR/night inclusive of taxes. I did some laundry but I didn't mind the cost of that because it was such a short trip. There was some room service too, including my first night in. Plus some overseas and local phone calls. Even with all of that it was right at $100/day.

Missing Amber

2010-01-21T14:22:00.000-09:00

Brian here. Well this was my last full day in Hyderabad. And it feels like I just got here. Which is true.

It is so different being in India without Amber. Honestly she is always with me, she is my better half and the love of my life. And (fingers crossed) the mother of my child(ren).

Obviously she isn't here. My evenings are her mornings and rushing off to work, and vice versa. I miss the cat, she tries to remember to feed the cat. But what I didn't realize is she doesn't know what's happening. Duh, right? I asked her how her day was and she said all day at work, she was just thinking about what I must be doing and wondering what is happening. (And I realized, for her this must be like a business meeting PowerPoint presentation where the guy giving it pays 100% attention and everyone listening is just wondering - when will this be over, so I can do whats really important???) And in my mind all day here, my inner voice was really Amber's voice. In our seven years of marriage her voice is ALWAYS with me. I depend on it totally. We depend on each other, give each other reality checks, share our memories, check our facts, figure out what questions to ask. And I cannot imagine that Amber's voice is not here with me now, even when she's half a world away.

When we were skyping today and the connection kept breaking down, I said we have to realize that its only bad because we're HALF a world apart, if we were one WHOLE world apart from each other it would work better. Right?

So I wish I could stay longer. I wish Amber were here. But the guy's business is so short, so easy compared to all the drugs, all the hormones, all the tests that Amber had to endure and so I know it is better really. And hopefully we will have a happy ending and we will come back here together.

Impressions of Kiran Clinic

2010-01-21T05:04:00.003-09:00

Amber here. Since my impressions are solely based on email and skype updates my perspective of the Kiran clinic definitely comes with a grain of salt. Brian met with Dr. Sammit again today and called me on the telephone so I could listen in to the meeting. Brian and I had a list of questions that he patiently went through with us. It turns out that we will not get to choose our surrogate here, instead the doctor has several surrogates that cycle at the same time and he determines the most appropriate ones based on their endometrial lining. Brian and I are both perfectly happy with this arrangement since in our three previous attempts, we had to use an emergency backup surrogate twice anyway. It makes a lot of sense to us to let the decision be based on who is best suited and we are entirely and forever grateful to whomever agrees to be our surrogate in the end.

We are both also delighted that our first choice of egg donors is available and has agreed to work with us. We were provided about 18 possible donor profiles which consisted of slightly pixelated photos and brief bios that were similar to the ones provided by the Rotunda clinic. Since we have been through this process before with poor results, our number one criteria for selecting a donor was to find somebody who had been through the IVF process previously had good response to the medications, produced good quality eggs and resulted in a positive pregnancy. It turns out our donor has.

It looks like our egg retrieval will be sometime between January 28th and February 2nd. Dr. Sammit said all our labs look good and everything is ready. We should hopefully end up with around 10 embryos and they normally do the embryo transfer on day 2 or 3 depending on their quality.

Day 2 in Hyderabad

2010-01-19T04:27:00.004-09:00

Brian here. Well I left Anchorage on a redeye flight Friday night and now its 7 pm Tuesday night in Hyderabad, 4:30 am Tuesday morning in Anchorage. 14.5 hour difference.

So today I met Dr. Sammit of the Kiran Clinic and I made the first deposit. We are using an egg donor this time.

Amber and I have used Skype to stay in touch and its working great. It is a big help to calm my nerves and get a reality check just to talk to her. We were never big Skype users before but we never were half a world away from each other before, either.

The flights were good. Long, with jetlag and no seatback entertainment but no problems, no missed bags or connections, delays etc. My first time on a KLM 747 was cool - its throwback like you're on PanAm or something. The flight attendant ladies even wear scarves. And the baby blue outfits are cute.

I stayed at the Radisson Hotel in New Delhi and it was very nice and expensive, about $240/night. I would have gone with less expensive but for a one night stay not worth worrying about I guess. I am worrying less about expenses this time. This time its only 5-7 days whereas in January 2008 and April 2009 we were in India 2 and 3 weeks each time.

The Golkanda Hotel here was recommended by PH and its nice too. They have the same "American Pancakes" that we found at the Emerald Best Western in Mumbai.

Well I have about a million interesting anecdotes and tidbits but I am not able to pick just one or two out of them. India is overwhelming. Its my third time here but I could come 100 times or 1,000 or half a lifetime and I think I would still be just as clueless as ever. I went out shopping/sightseeing today and was worried and stressed and after a couple of hours looking around and observing and taking it all in I had the window rolled down and was enjoying it. Let myself get hustled and get okay again with sticking out and being ridiculously out of place.

Heading to Hyderabad

2010-01-15T19:31:00.004-09:00

Time seems to stand still or go way to fast sometimes. Brian starts his 32 hour flight to Delhi tonight. Since the flight is so long, he has a hotel in Delhi for a night before continuing on to Hyderabad. We have a detailed itinerary for Brian's time at the Kiran clinic. Brian is going straight to the clinic from the airport, will meet the doctors, tour the facility and leave the all important deposit. His entire trip is going to be 8 days with only 4 of them actually in Hyderabad. The rest of the time is all traveling.

It has been really hard for me to have Brian go by himself. Through every step of our roller coaster infertility ride we have always been together which made the bad times bearable. I hate that Brian is making this trip by himself but we figured it would save us a lot of money to only have to buy one plane ticket and this way I can save up my leave to hopefully have extra time with the baby if this works.

Since Brian is the only one traveling, preparations for this trip were much faster. Brian only wants to take one carry on so I couldn't go crazy buying a bunch of gifts for our potential surrogate and her family. Instead, I bought a bracelet that I hope she likes. In two of our three previous attempts we had to have last minute replacement surrogates due to break through bleeding and I'm trying to stay emotionally detached until we find out if it works. The disappointments are just too hard otherwise.

We are both hopeful that this will be our time.

Up in the Air

2010-01-15T18:31:00.001-09:00

These airline loyalty rewards programs are pointless excercises in futility. We go halfway around the world in the hopes of having a baby and apparently that distance (roughly 20,000 miles) is ALMOST enough to make you a low-tier elite frequent flyer. And it occurs to Amber and I that this could be a good thing, especially when you consider the prospect of eventually traveling home with an infant and all the conveniences of elite status like upgrades, early boarding, and less time spent on hold waiting to speak with airline reservation agents about last-minute ticket changes.

The question now is, on what airline?

Alaska Airlines doesn't fly to India. So this leaves us with their partners, American, Air France, British Air, Delta, Northwest and KLM. (BTW, have you ever noticed that Cathay Pacific and Korean Air never show up in routings on KAYAK? That the only routes it shows are trans-ATLANTIC and almost never trans-PACIFIC?) Only American, Air France, and British Air fly to Hyderabad. Delta, Northwest and KLM will only take you to Delhi or Mumbai. Unfortunately, the first three airlines are way expensive! British Air prices are unbelievable and they have HUGE fuel surcharges. If you want to redeem a ticket with Alaska miles on British Air, you still have to pay their fuel surcharges in addition to 100,000 miles, enough miles for 4 Lower 48 trips!! There are no seats available to India for Alaska miles less than 8 months out.

As you might imagine, Alaska Airlines has a virtual monopoly on air travel here in Alaska. We almost always fly them to get to the Lower 48 states and its hard to imagine using another airline's program. But I bought this ticket from Northwest Airlines and am thinking of switching loyalty to Delta's mileage program. Anybody have experience with them? What airline would you go with? Or would you just always choose the least expensive ticket?

What would George Clooney do?

(Written January 6)

Happy New Year!

2010-01-04T07:56:00.001-09:00

Well it has been over six months since we last posted an update to this blog so an update is in order.

We tried an egg donor surrogacy attempt using a frozen sample with Rotunda Clinic in Mumbai in July 2009. The result was negative. This was our third Indian Surrogacy attempt and the first using an egg donor. Since then we have been saving money and examining options for a fourth attempt. This time we will be clients of Kiran Clinic in Hyderabad. Brian is going there soon, so look for more posts.

BTW thank you to everyone - friends & family, blog followers - who responded to our last posts, "What now?" and "Next Step" from May 20 and June 18, 2009. We really appreciate the feedback. In our day-to-day lives, we know very few people who are struggling with infertility. Alaska is a small place! So the blog and the one-on-one time we spent with couples in Mumbai in April 2009 has been valuable, thank you!

Also we want to say thank you to all the people at Surrogacy India and Rotunda clinics and all the people involved who have helped us in our previous attempts. These clinics have great professionals who do difficult and amazing work. The SMs and EDs and their families are making great sacrifices. All our helping infertile couples from different cultures and we are amazed, humbled and grateful.

Stay tuned, and wish us luck!

Next Step

2009-06-18T11:45:00.004-08:00

First of all, I want to thank everyone for their wonderful thoughts and comments. Trea, I really love your suggestions on what to tell a child about their birth situation. You have a truly beautiful way of stating things. If we are blessed with a child, I would want that child to feel special and know that we wanted them so much we were willing to do anything we could possibly do to bring him/her into our lives.

We have given it a lot of thought and I think that Johnny and Darren’s blog motto sums it up for us: “The only people who end up without a baby, are the people who give up”. We want a family, every decision we’ve made over the past few years from our jobs to what house we bought has always been with the idea of creating the best family environment possible.

Over the last few days we spoke with various family members and let them know our decision to try again with donor eggs.

What now?

2009-05-20T14:22:00.002-08:00

Brian here. So we just heard on Friday that our second attempt at Surrogacy in Mumbai had a negative result.

I know many of you here following our blog have had this experience already. So I apologize if I don't have anything new to share.

Right now I'm wishing that I had a problem with alcohol. Then I could have something to drown myself in. Instead I'm eating bad food, distracting myself with bad movies and TV or just trying to sleep the day away. Several coworkers noticed me on the edge of a breakdown Friday and my boss (bless her) sent me home early.

I don't regret spending the money or the time and work leave. It was a gamble and we lost.

I'm doing some thinking about all the things that could have happened differently. There are several and it is tempting to blame the doctors. But what would that accomplish? It won't change our outcome. It would be nice to have an object to direct my anger toward. Yet I think they truly did real work in good faith trying to help us become pregnant, both at Rotunda for the first attempt and at SI in the second.

The question is what do we do now?

Do we keep trying gestational surrogacy in India? How many attempts will it take before we hit pay dirt? We can't afford to continue that indefinitely. Do we go back to trying regular IVF even though we have a condition that labels us "habitual aborter"? There would certainly be more heartbreak down that path. Do we try donor eggs and a surrogate? Does that really improve our odds of bringing home a baby? And if it works, when and what do you tell a child about its "real" biological mother?

We don't want adoption or foster care. So at what point do we stop gambling on surrogacy and accept that we will live out our lives as a childless couple and begin planning our future for that possibility?

Negative

2009-05-15T09:16:00.003-08:00

We received an email from the doctors this morning saying our results are negative. We are both very sad and will be offline for a while to deal with the news.

Still Waiting

2009-05-13T14:34:00.001-08:00

I know I haven’t posted in awhile. Brian and I are dealing with waiting in our own way. We’ve been on the waiting roller coaster before and it definitely does not get easier with time. This morning we learned that two couples who cycled with us but had their procedure a few days earlier got negative results. It is always so hard to hear this type of news because we know how much they have gone through and how much they are hurting right now. It really isn’t fair.

Two Week Wait

2009-05-02T04:15:00.003-08:00

We transferred 3 Grade A embryos this afternoon and are now officially in the two week wait.

Egg Retrieval

2009-04-30T02:51:00.002-08:00

Well I can happily say that I made it through the egg retrieval today. We ended up with 5 good eggs which for me is pretty good and I'm happy to be done with my part.

Brian left for Alaska last night and I will be staying in Mumbai until early Monday morning. We calculated that it would be way to expensive to change both of our tickets and Brian had already made his "contribution".

I can definitely say that the egg pick-up process (EPU) with Surrogacy India follows a completely different process flow than the one at Rotunda. I'll try to write a more thorough comparison later.

Yesterday we had a surprise when the Surrogacy India doctors told us that our surrogate's lining was breaking down and she would not be ready for this cycle. Fortunately the doctors had a back up surrogate and we spent yesterday afternoon filling out the new paperwork. I'm so glad that we found out about the problem early enough to fix it and it gives me a lot of faith that the doctors really do have our best interest at heart.

Replay

2009-04-27T00:26:00.001-08:00

Brian again. Well today Amber had a scan and it tells us that our egg retreval will be later than planned. Which means our flight plans will also need to change. Unfortunate but necessary. We will have to miss our planned trip to Fairbanks for an alumni meeting on May 1.

After the scan Amber and I drove around in some auto rickshaws and did some shopping. With the heat, the heavy hormone medication and the cultural misunderstandings it didn't go too well. But we got a few items and had fun. Some ladies were selling some unknown fruit at Andori Station and gave some to Amber. There was a "foo-foo shop" with bracelets, earrings and ladies' accessories that was staffed by eight men and had no customers. We bought a traditional outfit. The colors, designs and material are dizzying. And we tried out McDonald's. We find ourselves going to many of the same places we visited in our first trip back in January. Somehow we are drawn to many of the same locations and people we saw before!

Finally tonight we went to dinner at the Marriott Hotel with another SI couple. It was great sharing stories and experiences again.

Met the Surrogate

2009-04-25T20:03:00.001-08:00

Brian here. Well its been a few days now since we made a blog post, so let's catch up.

Yesterday Amber and I went to the lawyer's office down south in the Fort area, near Victoria Station, about an hour away to sign the legal agreement and also meet the surrogate and her family for the first time. Actually it turns out she recognized us from one of the doctors office waiting rooms a few days previously. As you can imagine, meeting the surrogate for the first time is very emotional and exciting. She was a wonderful person. Her husband (who rides motorbikes in loop-de-loops at fairs - a carnie!) and her youngest daughter accompanied her and Doctors Yash and Ajja interpreted for us and helped both families feel at ease. We had some gifts for them also. I know that there is a lot of pressure on Indian women in this society, a lot of cutural differences, and sometimes I have been suspicious and afraid that the decision to become a surrogate would not be the woman's, but instead be because of pressure from her family or her husband's family or somewhere else. However in this case I can say I don't feel that was the case at all. I have no illusion that the motivation is unrelated to the money paid, but still I feel that this woman - a mother of three herself - understands our desire and wish to become parents and that what she is doing helps make completing our family possible. Its hard to explain how and why I feel that here - it has to do with what was said, interpreted, and expressed nonverbally - but that's what it comes down to for me.

We also had scans yesterday and found more follicles growing. Another scan happens tomorrow. So the time for our egg retreival is getting closer. Amber is a basket case. Even if she wasn't hyped up on the drugs, the enormity of what is at stake is enough to drive you crazy. But you know we have very little control, we just take the drugs on schedule and do the scans and blood tests, listen to the Doctors, ask them key questions and hope and pray for success.

In the meantime we have been very fortunate to socialize with some other couples here in Mumbai right now who are also clients of Surrogacy Indian and the Rotunda Clinic. Their experiences and advice have helped us immensely. There really aren't any couples we know of in Alaska that we can talk with, so just talking with couples who are going through infertility problems like we are is therapy. Not that any two couples have the same situation, but at least we all have in common the desire to have children and difficulty in doing that. Plus these other client couples come from all walks of life and many different cultures, and that has been really eye-opening in itself.

Finally today we didn't have any medical appointments, so Amber and I took the opportunity to go to Elephanta Island to see the caves and sculptures there and also made a stop at Crawford Market. Elephanta Island was interesting, there is an hour boat ride each way and the ocean air is pleasant. The sun was hot and the climb a little steep, so we were sweating up a storm. We were thankful for the little bit of shade the smog occasionally offered. Lots of monkeys. Saw another SI couple there, too - a small world after all. Then at Crawford Market on the way back to Juhu, we bought some Chikki (sweats), soap and other odds and ends from the same guy we bought from during our first trip in January. I think he has the best prices and service in the market, so he got some return business from Alaska.

Another scan tomorrow!

Playing Tourist in Delhi, Jaipur and Agra

2009-04-20T21:47:00.013-08:00

Friday, April 17, 2009
Brian and I got up at 4:30 am to get ready to catch the plane to Delhi. One thing I'm learning in India is that you have to allot extra time for everything. It took 30 minutes just to check out of the hotel. This was our first domestic flight in India. Anther thing I'm learning is everything is a process and always keep track of any paperwork given to you. In order to enter the airport you have to show your ticket. Once in the airport you go to the ticket gate and show your ticket, passport and purchasing credit card to the agent. If you have baggage to check you take it to the security area, show your ticket, have them process your baggage, get your baggage stamped and take it to the ticket agent. Once your baggage is checked the ticket agent will print out an official boarding ticket for you. Make sure to grab a baggage tag from the ticket agent's counter for any luggage you plan to hand carry. Once you leave the ticket counter you walk down the hall and show your ticket to another security guard who points out the security line you need to stand in. Women have a different line than men. When it is your turn to go through the security checkpoint, make sure the tag you grabbed from the counter is attached to the luggage that goes through the x-ray machine. This is very important because once the luggage is x-rayed the security agent will stamp the tag. You then walk through the metal detector and show your passport and ticket to the security guard. Once the security guard is satisfied that everything is okay, she will hand stamp your boarding pass. You are now free to go and pick up your hand luggage from the x-ray machine line. As you leave the security checkpoint another guard will check that your boarding pass and luggage is stamped. Next you have to figure out what gate your plane is loading from. There may or may not be another airport agent standing around asking to see your stamped boarding pass and stamped luggage tag. When it is time to board the plane, an airplane agent will check your stamped boarding pass as you go through the gate. Right behind this agent another security guard will want to check your stamped luggage. Once you go through the gate you head outside and board a buss.

The buss we got on was extremely crowed there was hardly any room to stand and more and more people kept on getting on. I'm really not used to being in such tight surroundings and was feeling a little claustrophobic. I noticed a seat in the back corner and rushed to sit down and get out of the way. Unfortunately, I misjudged the low lying ceiling and caused a loud THUNK to resonate through the buss as I slammed my head against the low ceiling as I sat down. It wasn't a dainty thump; it sounded more like a hammer hitting metal. EVERYONE on the buss turned in unison and winched and of course I was completely embarrassed. Once they decided that I hadn't killed myself the bus headed out to the airplane. For the most part Indian women are beautiful elegant and graceful. I however, wasn't finished distinguishing myself from them. The minute I stepped out of the bus the humidity fogged up my eyeglasses and I literally couldn't see a thing. Dizzy and blind I managed to take a full nosedive as I tried to get on the ramp to board the plane. I got up, dusted myself off, showed my stamped luggage tag to the security guard at the plane steps, showed my boarding pass to the airline worker halfway up the plane steps and finally made it to my airplane seat.

The two hour flight to Delhi went smoothly and when we arrived our driver was waiting and holding a sign with Brian's name on it.

It turned out our driver UdeVeer couldn't speak a word of English. He was all smiles thought and we had some entertaining times trying to communicate with hand signals throughout the trip. Apparently, neither Brian nor I realized how much our body language and hand signals are language based and cultural. I would love to know what was going through UdeVeer's mind as he watched us try to communicate. One thing that was particularly funny is that he had the Barbie Girl CD by Aqua and he kept on playing it over and over again. We must have listened to the entire CD over a dozen times throughout the trip. At one point Brian tried to ask UdeVeer to turn the CD down but he thought we were asking him to fast forward to the next song on the CD. We finally figured out the best way to communicate what sights we were going to was by handing our guide book to UdeVeer and having him point to the picture of what we were seeing.

Our first stop was to see the Red Fort. The minute we parked the car several men ran up to us with a bicycle rickshaw. The rickshaw driver spoke excellent English and acted as thought he was part of our tour. He also made it sound as though he was friends with UdeVeer. Brian and I weren't crazy about the idea of riding the bicycle rickshaws because we weigh a lot more than the average Indian and didn't want to overburden the poor man in the 100 (F) degree heat. However, he insisted and Brian's feet were bothering him so we got on and he took us to the gate of the Red Fort. Brian tried to pay him but he refused and said that he would wait there until we were finished viewing it. He also told us to call him Peter.

As we left the Red Fort Peter was in fact waiting for us and wanted to take us on a tour of Old Delhi. We refused and asked to be taken back to our car. On the way back to our car he asked if we wanted to see the old masque that he indicated was close to our car. I said yes and before I could say anything else he turned the bicycle around and headed in the opposite direction. He said he wanted to show us Old Delhi first and then take us to the mosque. I have to say that it was amazing and fun to ride the bicycle rickshaw through the streets of Old Delhi. Each area sells its own unique item. First there was the ribbon stores, then the wedding stores, then the wedding hat stores, then the bead stores (I really would have loved to stop here) then the sari stores, etc.

Peter stopped at a minute street and walked us down to an ancient Jane temple which he said we could view if we wanted to. Jane temples have strict rules and as we entered the building we were handed a list of 10 requirements to follow in order to go inside. The list had things such as you must clean your hands and feet before entering, you must not take any pictures and leather was not allowed, etc. Number 2 on the list however stated: "Women who are in menses may not enter the temple. This is extremely important". Since this was day two of my cycle I was put in the wonderful position of either disrespecting their religion or making it obvious to the 8 men standing around us that it was my time of the month. I mumbled something about not going in and waited in the entrance while Brian went inside after removing his leather belt, leather wallet and shoes. He said one of the priests showed him around and it was an amazing experience.

After we left the Jane temple, Peter took us to Jami Masjiid, India's largest mosque. He told us we could walk up the steps and take pictures if we liked. Brian's feet were still bothering him so I decided to go up and check it out. In order to enter the mosque area I had to go through a security checkpoint. When the metal detector beeped because I was holding a camera the guard just smiled and waved me through. I climbed up about 100 stairs and realized: 1) There were no other tourists around. 2) There were no other women around 3) I was staring into an area where literally thousands of Muslim men knelt on the ground in the middle of their Friday prayer 4) I was wearing a short sleeved t-shirt and holding a camera. At this point I decided it would probably be best to not take pictures and head back down to where Brian was waiting. Score 1 for the insensitive American tourist.

Peter next took us to one of those air conditioned stores, calling it a government store. In reality it was one of those ubiquitous tourist traps that give kick backs to all tour operators in order to lure in the unsuspecting tourist and separate them from their money. Once inside Brian and I realized we were the only customers. The store was divided up into separate counters with a different salesperson standing behind each counter. The owner also subtly moved to stand between us and the door. It felt a little like being in a spider web. Brian and I ended up buying two beautiful overpriced paper Mache elephants for about $20.00 and quickly left and asked Peter to take us back to our car.

About a block down, Peter stopped the bicycle and asked us to pay him there instead of when he dropped us back at the car because the bicycle owner would take half his money. We had already decided to give him an extra big tip for carrying our large butts around but we were a little startled when he said that he wanted 1500 rupees an hour. We knew he was way overcharging but didn't argue and gave him the money since that was about what we were planning to tip him anyway.

When we finally made it back to our car, UdeVeer took us to see the India Gate and then Qutb Minar which was amazing to see. We could have easily spent a week in Delhi and not seen all the sights.

Saturday, April 18, 2009
UdeVeer picked us up at 7:15 am and we headed strait to Jaipur. It was about a four hour drive and really fun to watch the countryside as we traveled. Brian and I had a blast trying to identify the most unusual thing.

At one point while we were struck in traffic I was amazed to find that we were actually being passed by a man riding an elephant. We also saw monkeys hanging onto the back of a man riding a motorcycle, tons of camels pulling carts, bison pulling carts, cars loaded with so many people that there were actually guys standing on the bumpers holding on and tractors carrying loads so big that I don't know how they weren't crushed. We also saw piles of cow dung laid out to dry along the road and on the roofs of some houses. We were later told that people dry it out, and sell it to villagers to use as fuel for their cooking fires.

Our first stop in Juiper was the Amber Fort. I think Brian liked it because I share its name. At the entrance where you buy the tickets there was an older man with two cobras that would play his flute and charm them for tips. We couldn't resit taking a picture. He told us that the poison had been removed and offered to let us touch them. It took me a while but I finally got up enough nerve to quickly touch the back of one of the cobras.

After the Amber Fort we saw the City Palace where we bought a small silk painting as a souvenir from one of the artists in the artist museum. We finished off the day by going to xxx. xxx is a lot like an olden time carnival. Many upper and middle class Indians take their children there. It costs 300 rupees a person to enter which includes the meal. Once inside different street performers are set up for you to stop and watch as you walk around the grounds. We saw an old time magician, lots of dancing girls, acrobats. There also was a puppet (marionette) show and a building you could enter where a women made old fashioned bread and sweets on the fire and passed them out to everyone. They even had camel and elephants to ride and a wooden Ferris wheel. I wasn't crazy about the food which was very spicy but loved the experience.

Sunday, April 19, 2009
We ended up getting a flat tire as we were leaving Juiper for Agra. After asking around UdeVeer pulled over on a side street where you could tell tourists are not very common. Brian and I got out of the car and went and sat down on the side of the road while we waited for the tire to be repaired. I noticed some pigs down the street and decided to go and take some pictures since Indian pigs look very different from American pigs. The pigs were about a block away and I had to pass about a dozen men hanging out on the side of the road to get there. I walked up and took a picture of the pigs and suddenly realized I was also getting an excellent picture of the man peeing next to the pigs. Mortified, I quickly turned around and walked back to where Brian was waiting, trying to ignore the dozen or so men staring at me as though I was an alien from outer space. Score 2 for the insensitive American tourist.

Before we arrived in Agra we stopped and Fatehpur Sikri which was built by Emperor Akbar between 1571 and 1585. We were told by the English speaking guide we picked up that Akbar built the palace to celebrate the birth of his son. He had three wives. The first wife was Muslim and childless. Her chambers were only about a 12 by 12 room. The second wife was a Christian Portuguese girl from Goa and also childless. Her chambers were larger and about maybe 1200 square feet. The third wife was Hindi and the one who eventually bore him a son. Her chambers were a huge palace and included a special temple for her to worship at.

We arrived in Agra about 2:30 and picked up a different guide. Instead of showing us around right away he suggested we go to the hotel and freshen up and then head out to the Taj Mahal around 4:30 pm. We were more than happy to do this since it was about 44 (C) or 110 (F) degrees and we were melting.

All I can say abut the Taj Mahal is that it truly is as wonderful as the books describe and worth going to see. I can understand why it is one of the 7 wonders of the world. The Taj Mahal was built by Shan Jahan, Akbar's grandson, to honor his favorite wife, Mumtax Mahal who died at 39 giving birth to their 14th child. The Taj Mahal is renowned for its symmetry. In fact the only thing that isn't symmetrical is Shan Jahan's grave which is next to his wife's. Apparently he had originally planned to be buried in a second Taj Mahal across the river that would have been identical except instead of using white marble, it would have been built with black marble imported from Belgium. However, before the black Taj Mahal could be built, Shan Jahan was imprisoned by his son, Aurangzeb and that is why he ended up being buried in the original.

I also learned that Shan Jahan had two other wives that are buried in plain graves. He did not honor them because they were childless. I have to say that it really struck me how the emperors' wives were disregarded and viewed as not important because they couldn't have children. I think it hit a little too close to home.

Monday, April 20, 2009
It took about 5 hours to drive from Agra to Delhi because we got stuck in traffic several times. It was fun to watch the scenery on the drive. UdeVeer took us to a nice restaurant for lunch where we had the North Indian cuisine. We then headed straight to the airport, while listening to Barbie Girl one last time. Said goodbye to UdeVeer and headed into the New Delhi Airport which is really nice. Unfortunately, when the security guard hand stamped my carry on bag he did a really bad job and just created a small blue smudge. However, when I tried to get him to re-stamp it, he just waved me on. In reality, I could have easily made the same smudge with a blue ball point pen. At the next four checkpoints the security guards would want to send me back but as soon as I pointed out the smudge they were happy and I could continue on. It's all a process.

Internet Troubles

2009-04-16T08:45:00.001-08:00

The Best Western Internet has been down for the last few days but happily it appears to be back up again.

Tuesday
On Tuesday morning Brian and I were picked up by Agit, who is the main driver for SI. He took us to Bhandub where their office is. Dr. Yashodhara is definitely as nice and friendly as everyone reported she would be. I am very happy with the drug protocol she has me on. It is a new Antegon protocol using ganirelix instead of lupron. This protocol is often good for poor stimulation responders and I'm really hoping that it will work for me and my 36 year old eggs. Dr. Yash said that she didn't have the gonl-f drugs at her office and would have them dropped off at our hotel later.

It turns out that the SI office is not where I will be having the (EPU) egg pick up. Dr. Yash explained that they decided to set up their office close to where they have set up apartments for the surrogates and their families to live so that the surrogates will not have to travel far for checkups and treatment. It really helps to know the surrogates as well as their families will be well taken care of. We won't be meeting our surrogate until sometime next week. I'm extremely nervous about meeting her. I'm seriously afraid I'm going to break down in tears.

After meeting Dr. Yash we returned to the hotel. Brian and I have been having a rough time dealing with jet lag so we had both settled down to get to sleep around 7pm when we heard that Dr. Yash and Dr. Sudhir were downstairs in the lobby. I had read on the SI Forum and on several blogs that they go the extra mile but I was truly surprised to have them come to our hotel to see us. We went to the lobby and had drinks and it was really nice to get to know them both a little.

Wednesday
Yesterday Brian and I went to visit Mike and Mike. I've been reading their blog for several months and really admire them. They went through the surrogacy process at Rotunda and are in India picking up their two very beautiful daughters. We got some great information on nurses and concierge service that we hopefully will need in 9 months.

After meeting the Mikes we went to a huge grocery store called something like "Haiko" in the Powai neighborhood. When we where here in January we tried in vain to find a big grocery store and I had given up hope that they exist. It was so fun to walk down the isles and find all types of brands and packages of stuff that I had never seen before. Brian thinks I'm weird but one of the things I love to do when traveling is buy different packaged food from the stores. However, I did find the Masala chai that I love for 1/4th the price that the gift shops sell it for. I also found some soap (its sort of like after dinner mints) that is common in India as well as some packaged sweets that I am going to take back for my coworkers at home. I think the Lays "Magic Masala" flavored potato chips must be an acquired taste. One strange thing about the grocery store is that they post store employees in every isle. I'm not sure if the employees are there to sell things or watch for shop lifting.

The area in Powai where the Haiko complex is located has a lot of upper class apartments and appears to be where a lot of the well to do Indians live. Haiko is actually a series of stores including a KFC, where we had lunch, a records store and an electronic store. Brian was ecstatic when he found the connection cable he forgot that allows us to connect our portable movie player to the TV so we can watch the movies we brought with us. The Best Western gets over 100 television channels and around 10% are in English including HBO and another movie channel similar to Stars. The difference is that even HBO has commercials. I don't have HBO at home but it also seems like a lot of the movies shown are B movies from the 1980s.

My favorite store at the Haiko complex is called the culture shop. As far as I can tell, this is where the Indians go to buy authentic Indian cultural items. The store carries things like the higher end marble inlay plates and brass Ganesha that I have seen in the air conditioned tourist shops but the prices are much better. It also has absolutely most beautiful Indian bedspread coverings I have ever seen. I fell in love with an iridescent purple one but the price of about 5700 rupees (about $130 US) is a little over my price range at the moment. One of my other favorite things about the store is that nobody comes up and tries to sell you anything. If anything the employees were rather indifferent. There were several security guards walking around and they paid more attention to me than anyone else.

Today
Today is officially day one of my cycle and I started taking the medications. Another SI Forum member (Silla) and her husband are also staying at the Best Western and we went out to lunch with them. They really are a wonderful couple. We ate at this really good vegetarian restaurant that they found down the street from the Best Western. I've decided to go entirely vegetarian while we are here. Truthfully, the food is so spicy and flavorful that I really don't miss eating meat.

When we arrived in Mumbai SI sent over a cell phone for us to use while we are in India. I am seriously afraid they have created a monster in Brian. Until this trip we have managed to avoid cell phones however, Brian is so enthralled with texting that I don't know if he will be able to give it up. I think he spent the entire day texting the driver, doctors, travel agent and anyone he could think of. One of the nice outcomes though is that we have arranged for a 4 day trip to Delhi to see the Taj Mahal. We are leaving tomorrow and will be returning on Monday. I don't know if we will have Internet access while we are gone.

Okay, I think I've done enough ramblings for one night.

Safely to India

2009-04-13T18:47:00.003-08:00

We made it safely to India and are now settled in at the Best Western Hotel. The trip itself was a little more stressful this time. Brian and I stayed up until 1:30 am Saturday morning getting everything ready.

Since the flight's scheduled departure was for 6:30 am Brian set the alarm for 4:00 am. I went to bed several minutes later since I was all choked up about Brian's blog post and rechecked the alarm. Somehow, even though we set two alarm clocks and I double checked one after Brian went to sleep, we overslept.

Fortunately, Brian woke up at 5:10 am and we raced around the house in a panic trying to get ready and finish the last minute packing. We arrived at the airport around 6:00 am. The Alaska Airline gate agent almost turned us a way but decided to take pity and let us through. Luckily the security line was light. We breathlessly arrived at the gate and were the last people to get on the plane. Of course as the plane was pulling out I realized that I had left my thyroid and birth control pills sitting on the counter. I had a stress breakdown and we debated about what to do. Looking back now I can appreciate the irony of the situation but at the time I seriously didn't know what to do. I have hypothyroidism and can't go long without taking my thyroid medication. If I miss taking it, there is a good chance it would adversely affect the fertility cycle. The truly ironic part was that here we are heading to India for fertility treatment and the true show stopper would be forgetting my birth control pills! When doing IVF, the birth control pills are used to time your cycle. I only needed to take the birth control pills for two days but since it takes roughly 30 hours travel time to get to India and we would be arriving in the middle of the night, my missing taking the last two birth control pills would mess up the entire cycle. Since the cycle timeline is based on scheduled hospital egg retrieval and the readiness of the surrogate this is a HUGE problem.

After panicking for several minutes we came to the conclusion that we really had 3 options: 1) Get off in Seattle 2) Cancel the rest of the trip 3) Continue without taking the pills and hope for the best. Option number three was a risk we weren't really willing to take. Overall we have already invested about 18k in this attempt and the reason we are doing the entire cycle in India is to reduce the variable chance of mistakes.

The Seattle layover was 2 hours and we decided the best thing to do would be for Brian to wait at the gate and for me to hop in a cab, go to the nearest pharmacy, have them call the Fred Meyer pharmacy in Anchorage, fill my prescription, while the cab waited rush back to the airport and run to the international flight. Of course when I got to the pharmacy, it took forever for them to fill the prescription but I made it back to the airport 40 minutes before the scheduled departure. As luck would have it, the security line was again light and we arrived at the departure gate just as they were finishing boarding.

The rest of the trip was a haze of de-stressing. When we arrived in Mumbai it really struck me at how familiar everything seemed. Everyone at the Best Western remembered us and were curious as to why we were returning so soon. The staff here is wonderful.

Yesterday, we pretty much rested, read and tried to get over the jet lag. In two hours we will be heading to meet Dr. Yash and Dr. Sudhir for the first time.

My Good Friday Prayer

2009-04-10T21:55:00.002-08:00

Brian here. Early tomorrow morning we board the flight for our second try at gestational surrogacy. This is my second post to the blog.

Amber and I have been very tight-lipped with our friends, family and coworkers about infertility in general and Indian surrogacy in particular. Infertility is a tough subject to talk about. Surrogacy is a new phenomenon and one that brings out a lot of strong emotional, spiritual and religious opinions - many which are unexpected and unsolicited.

And since we didn't publish a blog during the last four years of *HELL*: on our first surrogacy attempt, or during our 3 IVFs, or during our 7 IUI's, or during our four failed pregnancies, I have something to say.

What we are asking the Surrogate Mother to do is beyond my comprehension. Logically I know that surrogacy appears to be our best chance of becoming parents. If I didn't believe that surrogacy was medically necessary for us to have our own biological child I would not want us to attempt it.

The stakes are high. The possibility of growing old without children is very real.

So its this moment, on Good Friday, knowing the odds are against us, that I feel that same hope again - the wild and exulting hope and love that makes me feel closer to Amber than ever before. And I pray.

One Day More

2009-04-10T08:00:00.003-08:00

Only one more day before we board the plane to India for the second time! Lots of details to attend to. Shopping, packing, money issues (traveler's checks? certified check? wire transfer? carry cash?), hotel reservation, last minute questions for the clinic to call about late at night, projects at work to finish up and so on. Pretty stressful.

I notice its over 100 degrees F in Mumbai. Apart from the culture shock, the climate really is different. Leaving Alaska in breakup, 100 degree heat is going to be tough for us. Amber has insisted on sandals (Apparently her feet get hot). She drove over 50 miles (S. Anchorage to Eagle River) to find just the right Wal-Mart sandals that didn't look like they were cow leather.

One more day!!

Packing for the trip

2009-04-09T10:48:00.002-08:00

The last week or so I’ve mentally been creating a packing list of things to bring for our 19 day trip. We will be leaving our 2 feet of snow and heading to a humid and hot climate. I know Brian and I thought it was hot in Mumbai in January so I can’t imagine what it will be like now. I have been searching everywhere for a nice pair of sandals to bring which is not easy to do in the middle of winter in Alaska. I finally found a cute, comfortable pair that I really liked and was headed to the checkout line when I realized that they are obviously made of leather and I’m afraid it would be rude to wear them in India.

I also just received a money belt I ordered off of eBay. It isn’t because I think India is more dangerous than other places, it is simply that I like using money belts when traveling because I have a tendency to lose everything and the more tired I get the greater the chance of this happening. With the money belt, I don’t have to worry about leaving my purse somewhere or being to tired to notice where I set it down after traveling for 35 hours.

I’ve also been researching things to do while we are there. I tried to contact United Way in Mumbai about short term volunteer opportunities but the email their website provided no longer works. I guess we will just have to call them or stop by their office when we get there.

Before heading to India in January, we bought several travel guides and books. One of my favorites is called: “India – Culture Smart! A quick guide to customs and etiquette”. It is really a handbook and is not super detailed but it is also a quick read and I would recommend it.

I can’t believe we are actually leaving in two days!

Surrogacy India Forum Thoughts

2009-04-08T11:27:00.003-08:00

The last few days I haven’t been able to sleep very well. I’m excited about the upcoming trip to Mumbai but at the same time I’m trying to keep our chances of success in perspective. Reading the online Surrogacy India Forum and everyone’s blogs is such a comfort. It really does help to know that others are facing the same thing.

Last night as I was trying to go to sleep I kept thinking about the online infertility support community. What struck me is that this is a place where we all have a common and simple goal: To have a child to call our own. In this community, the first questions asked and revealed are usually:

How far along in the process are you?
What agency are you going with?
Have you tried surrogacy in India before?

The beauty is that the normal questions that our society uses to define who we are are secondary:

What is your job?
What country are you from?
Are you gay or straight?
What is your religion?

I’ve been a member of the Surrogacy India Forum and the yahoo group for several months and can’t thank those people enough who share their experience or journey online or in their blogs. Dealing with infertility, no matter what the cause is difficult for everyone. It is like we all are on a roller coaster with highs and lows that don’t necessarily coincide with anyone else’s timeline. I absolutely love to read the positive results and it really does hurt to know that there are others out there dealing with the negatives.

The people I have always admired the most are the ones who have dealt with life’s hardships yet not become bitter. As we get ready for our next attempt, I’m trying my best to be positive and not scared of the worst which is another negative.

Mumbai here we come ...

2009-04-07T23:17:00.003-08:00

It seems like the last two weeks have been a whirlwind. Originally we were hoping to cycle in May and instead we just got our plane tickets for April 12th – 30th. We decided to do the entire cycle in India for a couple of reasons. The main one is that since we live in Anchorage, we have a nearby temperamental volcano that has been throwing tantrums the last few weeks periodically and unexpectedly spewing black ash everywhere and closing the Anchorage airport. Brian and I decided it would be better to plan to arrive early than to miss out entirely because of the volcano.

So we’ve basically been running around doing taxes, making lists and generally driving each other nuts over the trip details. The emotional and financial drain of everything can be overwhelming. We also received the email about the shakeup in personnel at Surrogacy India and were pretty rattled.

On the positive side, one thing I absolutely love about Surrogacy India is the ability to know who your surrogate will be as well as how old her children are. I’ve had a lot of fun shopping for and making a care package for her and her family. When we cycled with Rotunda we didn’t know if we would even be able to meet our surrogate or the age of her children so it was much harder to put something together.

Planning Our 2nd Trip

2009-03-27T16:43:00.001-08:00

After much thought, Brian and I decided to switch to the Surrogacy India program for a second try. The doctors at Surrogacy India are fabulous communicators and really seem to have their act together. We paid our deposit and last night we spoke to Doctor A. and we are heading to India for round 2 sometime in April or June. We had originally talked about going there the last week of May and the first week of June because the lab is closed in May. The problem is that Brian’s passport expires in October and we only were able to get him a six month Indian visa which expires June 9th. Doctor A. told us that the lab is actually opened until May 10th so we are waiting to hear back on if it is possible to go as early as April. Yikes! April is a lot earlier that I am mentally prepared for!

I started taking birth control pills last week so that shouldn’t be a problem. Unfortunately, I fall into the small percentile of women who for whatever reason have a difficult time taking the pill. Seriously, of all the fertility cocktail drugs I’ve taken, nothing else turns me into an emotional ball of hypersensitive insanity the way the innocuous birth control pill does. The best way I can explain it is to imagine all your emotional filters and controls removed. Top that off with a never ending low grade headache and a propensity to blow up and break into tears over nothing. I normally consider myself analytical and relatively level headed so the loss of emotional control scares me to death. I read somewhere about an indigenous tribe that makes their women go into solitary confinement during their time of month because they don’t want the women to contaminate anyone. My husband probably understands their reasoning in regards to me while I’m on the pill. I don’t know why I turn emotionally insane. My US doctor has a theory that it may be the way the pill interferes with my bodies natural ability to absorb vitamins and minerals. This is compounded by my gastric bypass and the MTHFR gene mutation they found after doing a “habitual aborter” analysis because of all our miscarriages. Habitual Aborter? Really? - I would really LOVE to meet the sensitive caring soul who came up with that (US insurance necessary) terminology for multiple miscarriages. Anyway, Brian says he would prefer to head to India in April if possible, probably to reduce the amount of time he has to live with my Mr. Hyde personality. Not that I blame him, I don’t like to live with my medication induced Mr. Hyde personality either…

Our First Trip to India in January 2009

2009-03-26T17:56:00.002-08:00

Brian and I started thinking about surrogacy in February 2008. It took a lot of soul searching and debate but we eventually came to the conclusion that it would be our best chance of having a child of our own. We signed up with Planet Hospital and went to the Rotunda clinic in Mumbai. The following is a journal written mostly by Brian while we were in India.

Our Trip Day 1 – Saturday, January 3, 2009

We arrived in Mumbai, India last night. It was a long flight and took about 35 hours travel time from Anchorage, Alaska. Today we ventured out to the clinic and back to our hotel. We go back to the clinic on Tuesday.

People here are really hospitable and kind. I am trying very hard to understand what people are saying and I guess the reverse is true too. Its fun though. There is a lot to take in.

It is very hot. It is quite a shock to go from below zero to the high 80's, low 90's and smog. Plus there is the jet lag and the time change to adjust to. Right now its just after seven here and Amber is sleeping. I woke up at 4:30 am local time and had trouble sleeping. India is 14.5 hours ahead of Alaska.

So far we have only eaten in the airplane and the hotel, but the food was amazing. We are trying to be careful with water and fruit. There is a lot to take in and learn about.

I am currently on the computer at our hotel. It runs about 120 rupies per hour, or around $2.50 per hour. Our hotel is the Best Western. I like to think of this hotel as a Motel 6 with a five star staff. Actually everywhere you go here they have five star staff. For example, the concept of self service gasoline has not arrived here yet. But with 17 million people needing jobs it makes sense. The bellboys here wear turbins. Makes me think they must not be Hindu like the rest of the hotel staff. The hotel bed is like a cruise ship - hard surface twin beds with dorm room mattresses and you can put them together or not. The room is small but nice. Has good AC, a ceiling fan, bath, closet, room safe and mini-bar. The toilet traditions here are a little different. I had to specially ask for the toilet paper.

Our Trip Part 2 – Monday, January 5, 2009

Yesterday we took a tour around the city with a hired driver and saw the sights around Mumbai. There is a huge contrast between the old and new, rich and poor.

We went to the Taj Mahal and Gateway of India, one of the places the terrorists attacked. Our driver said it only costs 30,000 Rupees (about $6,000) a night to stay at the Taj Mahal.

We also visited the house Ghandi stayed in during the 1930's. The house was small but you really sensed the solemnity and spirituality of this great soul. There was a whole class of grade-school kids who came in after us, probably over 100, complete with uniforms, and the staircase wasn't big enough for all of us going opposite directions.

We've seen a lot of animals, lots of dogs, a few cows, and some billy goats butting heads in the street. Speaking of streets, we are grateful we had a good driver.

One stop we made yesterday was Dhobi Ghat, where hundreds of men do laundry with strong chemicals by beating the shirts against concrete in the hot sun; all for about 10 rupees (20 cents) a shirt. They live in the corrugated tin sheds nearby. I definitely am grateful for my day job.

Today we went to the beach. Definitely not for swimming, but now I can say I've been to the shore of all four oceans. It would be nice to visit Goa sometime which I hear has a wonderful beach.

Amber and I finally were able to stay awake until after 10 pm last night (7/8 am Alaska), which is the time to take her shots. This morning instead of waking up at 3 am it was 5:30 am. So we're adjusting, but its taken three days already

This afternoon we took a field trip to the Marriott down the street. It is a whole different world inside. We paid $7 for two sodas. They have metal detectors and guys with automatic weapons and sandbags out front next to the vendor selling bottled water for 30 cents. They wanted $20 each for their lunch buffet so we went across the street to Pizza Hut instead ($12 for 2 personal pans + garlic bread & soda) and hung out with all the preppy Indian teenagers eating pork pepperoni and chicken sausage pizza, where curry and mayonnaise are standard toppings.

Tomorrow we're headed to the clinic again.

Our Trip Part 3 – Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Well we went to the clinic and met with the doctor again today. The highlight of today's doctor appointment was we got to meet the lady who will be our surrogate. She came in with her 3 year old daughter. We gave her some gifts we had brought with us and tried to tell her how grateful we are to her and her family. We were all smiles. Communicating was difficult. There were many cultural communication issues and since she doesn't speak any English a clinic staff member translated into Hindi for us. There really are no words to express our gratitude to her.

As for Amber's egg extraction, all systems go apparently but she only has six follicles. I talked to a couple in the waiting room from the middle eastern country of Qatar, on the Persian Gulf who are doing the same thing as us. We wished each other well; both of us praying in our own way for those positive end results.

Our Trip Part 4 – Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Today Amber and I went to a tailor and made a deal for some work clothes for me. We haggled over some other items but I think we are getting taken. At the rate we're going we'll need a third mortgage. But, hopefully, we'll need a third mortgage anyway if this works.

Our Trip Part 5 – Thursday, January 8, 2009

Only four more days left after today and we are flying back to our frozen pipes in Alaska Monday, 1/12.

You know, there is so much poverty here in Mumbai it is overwhelming and indescribable. And yet, there is a lot of beauty and creativity here also. It is impossible not to be fascinated by what is all around us. After we bought a statue at a local shop, the shop girl spent two hours telling us her life story and religious philosophy.

Yesterday (Wednesday, 1/7) we went to Crawford Market in the Fort area (19th Century British Raj-era Bombay). It took us a while to find it. After a two hour cab ride in the craziest traffic you have ever seen (there should be a video game - "Mumbai street racer" - and you can choose your vehicle, like auto rickshaw, motorbike, 1970's yellow top cab, etc) we arrived at the general vicinity of the market. It took us another hour to figure out what and where the Crawford Market building was. In that hour, we came across a charming little labyrinth of shops. Unfortunately the roof (tarp, corrugated steel) was leaking a little, which was a little weird since it wasn't raining at all!

Each shop in this little area is the size of a bathroom selling its own specialty item - plastic toys, cell phones, shampoo, tobacco, you name it. It was similar in Crawford Market, but here the roof (a 19th century, British-raj era building) didn't leak liquid as much as it did pigeon poop. While we were talking to a tobacco vendor, he noticed this happen and felt compelled to provide Brian with water to wash it off... apparently, it was good luck. I figure this guy should know from (bald-headed) experience.

Everywhere we go we stand out like tourists. This one spice stand vendor sought us out and sold us a packet of tea and tea marsala for five times its value. But the salesmen put so much effort and showmanship into the sale (they brought out about 12 kinds of fresh, local spices to sample with our noses) we couldn't resist. Well, at least Amber couldn't.

The most fun I have is haggling with the taxi drivers. This makes Amber crazy. She says, why do I haggle over a couple of dollars? Well, its fun. The meters are outdated. The driver doesn't speak English. And also, when the going rate for a drive down the street in a three-wheel auto rickshaw is $0.20, why pay $3?

The night before last we made the obligatory visit to McDonald's. The first time I've ever been to a McDonalds and they don't sell cheeseburgers. Instead of the McKinley Mac like you get at home, they have the Maharaja Mac. This is a chicken sandwich. And the special sauce has curry.

While there we also checked out the trains which I find fascinating. Sardines have it better than the men on these death traps. The women, with their women-only cars, have a little more legroom. The guys are literally hanging out the door and jumping off the train when it is still moving..... fast.

Also at the train station we checked out some electronic gear. There are some good deals. Amber got a USB mini-card reader for $3 and an 8 GB SD card for $18. I'd be excited to buy more, but what if I get it home and it takes 220 volts to run the thing?

Today our big adventure was going to the post office to mail postcards. The stamp wasn't expensive – 15 rupees, or $0.30. But you can't lick the stamp, and its not self-adhesive. You have to put glue on it yourself or like we did, hire this guy outside to glue the stamps for you. I think that's his day job, gluing stamps. And there was a line. Then apparently you must stand in another line to get the stamps canceled, otherwise they might get peeled off for the cash value. But we had fun! After it was all done, some kids from the school next door posed for a picture.

Well this one is short but we must go, have an appointment and then we're on the road for an overnight trip to Pune. Will write more later!

IVF – Friday, January 8, 2009

Today we went to the clinic for the part of In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF) where they "harvest" Amber's eggs. The result was two eggs from six follicles six. This is a very low number of harvested eggs. This is the fourth time we have done IVF (the previous three times having been in the USA) and in each of those three cycles we always had at least 7 eggs harvested.

The doctor here tells us the reason we had so few eggs retrieved is because of Amber’s endometriosis. She was able to confirm that Amber does have this, which we had always suspected before now (having regularly seen a mass on her left ovary during ultrasounds) but have never been able to determine for certain. It definitely interfered with the production of eggs in this cycle.

Within a day or two we should know if the two eggs have been fertilized and what their quality is. Assuming the eggs fertilize and the embryos are of sufficient quality, then they will be transferred into the surrogate's uterus on Sunday, 1/11.

Our Trip Part 6 – Friday, January 9, 2009

Today's theme is cultural misunderstanding. If the Hindu had a god for this, we'd be its most recent incarnation. Sometimes it seems to me that our most in-depth experience of culture here has been visiting the Marriott Hotel, eating at Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and going to an English-language movie (while we're in the heart of Bollywood!). Which we did last night. There was an Australian lady at the next hotel computer last night who told us that the movie "Australia" with Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman was actually almost "realistic". (BTW, how is it that the Australians can tell us "yanks" apart from everyone else but we (speaking for myself here) can't tell them apart from the British or South Africans?)

The movie was great but what was better was the theater. Well our auto rickshaw driver didn't speak English and didn't know where the theater was. I thought, surely he knows where the local movie theater is, right? So I said the name of the theater. Then I said movies. Then I said theater. Finally I tried "cinema". That did the trick. Short of learning some words of Hindi or the other language they speak here (which I can't tell apart or even remember the name of), a thesaurus could really come in handy sometimes.

The cinema is attached to a western-style mall/department store. The prices were normal for the US. And I was having a strange crisis about how AB-normal this whole place was. And I'm wondering after one week if I can even remember what "normal" back in the US looks like.

Anyway one strange thing - the cinema is gated with a security guard. That seemed a little weird but we went in anyway. Then the rickshaw driver tried to get my attention from the other side of the gate. Apparently I left my $2 "cheap" (worth more than the fare) WalMart handheld calculater in the back seat and he wanted to return it to me. I guess he wasn't allowed to come into the gated area.

The mall security guard seemed puzzled about why I left the gated area to talk to the guy. The guard doesn't speak English either. My hand gestures don't help. I have begun to notice that no one else here touches their hands to their head or wave their arms around frantically. Did that at a restaurant and got the strangest look from the waiter, like I was telling him I am crazy or something.

We notice that people have very ritualistic gestures here. We just don't know what they mean! Moving your head kinda in a sideways motion is one, I think it is to indicate a kind of acceptance, maybe a reluctant acceptance? Frequently I mistake it for someone shaking their head no. Sometimes a person will put money to their forehead between their eyes and again maybe at their chest? I think it is a thank-you type gesture. It is infrequent. Then there is the namaste greeting, with your hands together in front of you like you are praying. I tried that right off the plane to our airport shuttle driver and his expression was that I made a faux-pas, so I haven't tried it since. The book says pointing is impolite, and I try to avoid it, but sometimes I must, like when I want to communicate to a driver who can't speak English to stop or go a different direction. With all of this, and with me asking people to repeat themselves three or four times, it amazes me how friendly and hospitable the people here are!

Anyway we noticed outside the theater was a batting cage. Cool, we think, its batting practice. So why were we surprised that they weren't playing baseball, but cricket? After all, the cricket players in this town have the status of NBA all-stars. After watching for a while I tried it myself. Pretended to put the cricket bat (HEAVY!) over my right shoulder and got a good laugh from the peanut gallery. Apparently you let the ball bounce once before hitting it. But when I hit them, the balls apparently didn't go where they were supposed to. Not like I knew where that was supposed to be exactly - I just had a general idea. But it was hard! Mostly I hit them up and away. And mostly they didn't go in the direction I wanted at all.

So next we went into the cinema. When you buy your tickets ($4 each) you get assigned seats. (BTW, the seat bottoms stay in place and the armrests don't go up.) A lady is selling expensive jewelry in the lobby (who buys jewelry at a movie theater?). You have to go through a metal detector to get into the lobby and you must check your bags and cameras at the entrance. Don't try sneaking into a show – there are at least 2/3 attendents in the theater at all times. Ordered a chicken hotdog and the guy brings it out to you on a tray after the show starts. (Hotdog, popcorn, and soda combo is $3). Before the show starts, everyone stands for the national anthem as the flag is displayed waiving on-screen. Intermission is "Pepsi Hotdog Time". Amber said she noticed that some people had cell phones out taking pictures during the lovemaking scene. Frequently I think I was the only one laughing at some scenes. Belatedly I realized here was watching a movie about cowboys herding cattle to slaughter being shown in a country where cows are sacred and beef is literally what's NOT for dinner.

Part 7 Sunday, January 10, 2009

Tomorrow is our last day in India! So this is the second to last update.

Yesterday and today Amber and I traveled by car to Pune, about 70 miles (3 hours) outside of Mumbai. Last night we stayed in a new hotel in Pune. We are continuously amazed at the hospitality we encounter everywhere we go. When we checked in, we had six people helping out and were served cold lemonade.

We stopped several places along the way, including the Karla caves, which were really impressive. The hike up was strenuous. We had lunch at a small town in a village known for its chikki, really good sweets with various nuts. Amber bought some to bring home and share. We noticed lots of goats and cows. Also deer. And on the way home we saw several monkeys on the side of the road.

It was nice to get out of the city and see a little of the countryside. We are happy to be going home tomorrow but it is bittersweet to be leaving this really remarkable place.

Home, Wednesday, January 14, 2009

We made the 38 hour trip home safely. Most importantly we found out that 1 grade A embryo was transferred to our surrogate on Sunday.

Update, January 26, 2009

Unfortunately we learned today that our surrogate’s pregnancy test came back negative. We have decided to take some time to decide what to do next.

Sharing Our Story

2009-03-26T17:22:00.000-08:00

Things not to tell someone dealing with infertility

I know so and so who stopped trying, adopted, went on vacation, found religion, joined a cult … and they got pregnant. – That’s great for so and so. However, since I’m not that person and doubt my medical situation is identical to theirs….

Relax, it will happen – Exactly WHAT is it that is supposed to happen? We’ve been dealing with infertility for six years and are in our late thirties. If by what my doctor says is a very slim chance, we conceived naturally again, it would be extremely stressful since the odds are we would end up with another miscarriage due to my medical situation.

Why don’t you adopt – This is the one question that makes me want to scream. I seriously have stopped even trying to talk about it with other people. The world is full of self absorbed, opinionated people who have no idea of the adoptions realities of today. Others have blogged about this question much more eloquently than I ever could. All I can say is, unless you can provide me with a concrete example of an adoption agency that actually has babies that need homes and doesn’t pull you down an emotional roller coaster - talk to the hand. I have spent more hours than I can count researching this subject.

Dealing with infertility is emotionally debilitating. It is the hardest thing my husband and I have ever had to deal with. We have been trying to conceive for six years. I have had a gastric bypass to lose weight at the advice of our obgyn. We have gone through 7 iui’s, 3 ivfs, 4 miscarriages and 1 surrogacy attempt and have basically used up all of our savings.

We are not at the beginning of our journey; we are right in the middle which is a very strange place to be starting a blog. However, since we are in the process of planning our second trip to India to try surrogacy one last time, I guess it’s as good as any time to start and maybe it will help me get organized for the second trip.

I also know that before heading to Mumbai in January, I eagerly read every detail described by others who had made the trip so I guess it couldn’t hurt to share our experience as well.