As the weeks go by and the pregnancy progresses, the reality is starting to set in for Amber and I. We're still cautious, but lately things have started to feel more urgent.
We both are preparing for parenthood like we do for every change - in fits and starts. We take turns freaking out and having anxiety attacks and comforting each other. The other day I had the realization that when I was born, my grandmother was only six years older than I am now. Even though we've been spending so many years and so much money working towards this, little things like that can set off a panic attack.
This pregnancy is strange though in a lot of ways. We have no option but to blindly trust that the SM, to whom we owe so much, is being well cared for. We know the SM is pregnant, and we are getting the ultrasound reports, but we haven't yet met her and we can't see the pregnancy progressing. This pregnancy is halfway around the world! After so many years in the making, its surprisingly easy to get caught up in day-to-day work, etc and push to the back of our mind that it actually is happening this time.
All our family and friends expect that we already know the baby's gender. We explain that its illegal in India and why but I suspect many friends believe that this combined with the fact that we still don't own a cell phone makes us very old fashioned.
Last weekend Amber and I went shopping and had an akward moment. It was a crowded clearance sale at a used baby clothes store and we were looking for sleepers. (Two weeks ago I could not have told you what a sleeper or a onesie was) A coworker on maternity leave who we had not told about the surrogacy saw us at the sale and so we were unexpectedly on the spot and had to explain. We ended up just saying that the baby is due in December but didn't say anything else. We are still working on the who, what, when, where and why...
Let me tell you, I spent a lot of Bella's pregnancy trying not to think about the fact that our surro was pregnant. It wasn't that I wasn't excited. I was thrilled when I let myself hope, but it was hard to give myself permission to believe it was actually happening. And it's ok to feel that way. You'll be over the moon when your little one is in your arms. And the right words to explain the whole ordeal will come when you're ready to tell people.
ReplyDeleteIt all starts to speed up from here! Get Ready, Get Set, START BUYING! :-) Enjoy this time. It seems to get more exciting and fun as each week passes and we all get closer!
ReplyDeleteWrite as much as you can (on your blog or private journal) and let yourself feel connected to YOUR pregnancy through your words! Best wishes!
Don't you know that 30 is the new 20, 40 is the new 30 and so on? You're both young at heart...you'll be fine!
ReplyDeleteI didn't let myself believe it was happening until recently. And now, I think I've been in denial for so long, that it's still not 'real'.
But it is happening, so as Edward said - hold on tight! It does go very quickly from here on in, once you've cleared the major hurdles.
xxx
I'm a mother of two and I still have no idea what a sleeper is - lol (think that's more a living in a different country issue than anything else)!!! It is totally up to you what you tell people and when, and remember you don't have to tell people anything if you don't want. We were incredibly open about our pregnancy (bit hard not to be when you go on national tv with it) but even then it was odd trying to explain that we were pregnant via a surrogate and me being large was a result of poor diet and lack of exercise that anything else. No matter what you work out for now, keep in mind that once bubs arrives you will simply be another family and you don't have to tell a sole about how bubs came into the world if you don't like. I so love this part of it still!!
ReplyDeleteWould love to hear how things are progressing more regularly too, so blog more guys! I know you know this, but people all around the world are genuinely excited for you.
Lisa
ps - my next major bday is 50. Holy s#*t!!! Lucky that's years and years away.
you're doing great. i like the blogs above, especially the one that says people all around the world are cheering for you, listening to you and providing a shoulder for you to lean on. i fast forward ahead a lot and have decided that when i'm asked the who, what, when, where questions i will simply say, "surrogacy in india" (as i am so very proud, and grateful) and then change the subject.
ReplyDeleteenjoy this time. i don't know about you and amber but shopping is always a great relief. if you think onesies are tricky wait until it comes time to buy the stroller, crib, dresser.
you guys are awesome!!!! we're sending loads of well wishes & enjoyment your way! you're more than half-way there! how exciting! we're all pulling for you! hang in there, lots of love to you both!
ReplyDeleteps- we're all getting older, none younger! :)
Finally an update...I had lost track of how far along you are! Good to hear all is well and that you are allowing yourselves to pursue shopping.
ReplyDeleteThis is just the best news ever. You guys had so many tries and so much heart ache, and here you are at 21 weeks. (I have to admit losing a month with Toby). And look at you now. Woweeeeeee. Brilliant, just brilliant. it will all be fine, though you will worry til the last moment.
ReplyDeleteShop on and do us all proud!
Couldn't be happier than to read this!!! We have been missing in action for several weeks, but catching up on blogs now. FANTASTIC update!
ReplyDeleteThis is such great news you guys. And while you are much, much further along in the whole thing than we are, we totally understand the feelings of working every day and putting it to the back of your mind a bit. I think that's totally normal. And if it's not, we're in the same boat being not normal :)
ReplyDelete21 weeks is amazing. And if everything has gone well up until now, I really think you guys are in a good place. We are thinking of you guys and continue to wish you the best.