Staying busy

The last few weeks have been extremely busy for Brian and I which has helped a lot. Hopefully, we will be able to have a transfer with our frozen embryos the week of March 25th. Even though we ended up with an ectopic pregnancy, we are very happy with the Kiran clinic and our sadness is mingled with the knowledge that we at least had a fleeting positive result which is promising. Rudy from Planet Hospital has gone way above and beyond to help us with our questions and concerns and we greatly appreciate all his help. We know our chances with the frozen cycle are not as good especially since we only had 2 grade A and 4 grade B embryos frozen on day 2 so we are trying to plan a new fresh cycle to follow if the frozen cycle does not work.

I’ve spent the last few weeks rearranging our house and doing a thorough spring cleaning because some good friends of ours (along with their three daughters ages 10, 6, and 1 and two pets) are moving to Anchorage and staying with us for a couple of months while they find a place to live. They arrived last Thursday and the distraction has been really nice. It’s hard to wallow in self pity when you have three little girls running around and demanding your attention.

Getting ready for their arrival was a little harder emotionally than I expected because it involved packing up, moving and getting rid of a lot of stuff we no longer need. Every room had little reminders of our battle with infertility, Lovenox and progesterone shoots in the bathroom cabinet from our last pregnancy, surrogate agreements and contracts in the bedroom closet, old IVF medications in the refrigerator, over a dozen books in our office whose subjects chronicled the last few years starting with the normal pregnancy books we first bought to the ones dealing with miscarriage, natural remedies for infertility treatments, medical books on IVF, etc. The worst part was THE ROOM. In my mind I always think of it as THE ROOM though I try to not associate it as anything but our guest room to any visitors because it’s too hard to think of it as anything else. Normally I pretend like THE ROOM simply doesn’t exist. The door is always shut and I rarely go in there but in moments of weakness I’ve mentally decorated it a thousand times. Unfortunately I found that at least subconsciously we had been adding little things here and there. I had to box up some stuffed animals from Brian’s childhood that his mom recently sent us as well as baby afghan patterns and yarn that somehow I’ve managed to collect over time. With each box I had to ask myself about where should this go and if I add it to the pile for GoodWill am I giving up on the dream of ever using it? Am I giving up hope? Is it pathetic to put it into storage?

(Note from Brian: Anyway when this does work, we will be ready with baby-proofing and space for the nursery!! So I think Amber needs to start picking a color.)