Missing Amber

Brian here. Well this was my last full day in Hyderabad. And it feels like I just got here. Which is true.

It is so different being in India without Amber. Honestly she is always with me, she is my better half and the love of my life. And (fingers crossed) the mother of my child(ren).

Obviously she isn't here. My evenings are her mornings and rushing off to work, and vice versa. I miss the cat, she tries to remember to feed the cat. But what I didn't realize is she doesn't know what's happening. Duh, right? I asked her how her day was and she said all day at work, she was just thinking about what I must be doing and wondering what is happening. (And I realized, for her this must be like a business meeting PowerPoint presentation where the guy giving it pays 100% attention and everyone listening is just wondering - when will this be over, so I can do whats really important???) And in my mind all day here, my inner voice was really Amber's voice. In our seven years of marriage her voice is ALWAYS with me. I depend on it totally. We depend on each other, give each other reality checks, share our memories, check our facts, figure out what questions to ask. And I cannot imagine that Amber's voice is not here with me now, even when she's half a world away.

When we were skyping today and the connection kept breaking down, I said we have to realize that its only bad because we're HALF a world apart, if we were one WHOLE world apart from each other it would work better. Right?

So I wish I could stay longer. I wish Amber were here. But the guy's business is so short, so easy compared to all the drugs, all the hormones, all the tests that Amber had to endure and so I know it is better really. And hopefully we will have a happy ending and we will come back here together.